Sunday, December 4, 2011

A growing family :-)

Our family seemed complete with two mommies, two doggies, a fat kitty and an irritated turtle...but it wasn't. A super sweet 14 year old kitty showed up the day after Thanksgiving and after much digital footprint searching (Wife calls it cyber-stalking...po-tay-to/po-tah-to) we found her owner-who had not updated her microchip in 10 years-and her last known address. She lived 40 minutes away and moved to another state at the end of October. We then found her on Facebook, messaged her, her daughter and a handful of her friends. One friend responded and told us who she gave the cat to when she moved (who gives a cat away after 14 years????). We called the new owner who excitedly picked her up after 3 days of living with us. The sweet kitty had been missing for 2 weeks and after a week they assumed that since she had been sick with kidney problems that she wandered off to die in the woods. We told the new owner (who lives less than a 1/2 mile away), that she is probably out searching for her old family and should be kept inside. The new owner agreed. We called last Wednesday to check on her. No answer. No returned call. Guess who showed up late last night on our doorstep? Guess who is NOT being called. That b*itch lost this cat twice within a month! We are now fostering her until a RESPONSIBLE family can be found (or she learns to like the dogs). We thought we were complete with a house full of energetic boys, but what we really needed was a kitty with a feminine flair named Princess :-) Wife says we can't keep her permanently because she doesn't like the boys-I say she will learn to like them. She traveled back to our house...she clearly had decided where she wants to live. Are we right or wrong to keep her? If I hadn't spent 2 solid days searching online we never would have found the woman in the first place. She never reported her missing to any of the area shelters, didn't post her missing on any of the regional/local missing pet ads, didn't contact the microchip company and made no major effort to keep her safe once we returned her.

Thursday, November 24, 2011


It's Thanksgiving and thus here is my obligatory "thankful" post. All last week I educated the children on the history of Thanksgiving-how it was nearly lost and the only reason we celebrate is because Sarah Hale worked for over 35 years to make it a national holiday, how the Macy's parade began and how they released the balloons at the end of the parade until 1927 when some genius decided to catch it with a plane and nearly killed know, the important stuff. This year has brought me a lot to be thankful for-the ability to marry my wife, finally living in our home, our family members we have loved and lost and jobs we still have despite our crappy economy. Yesterday, after swallowing much pride, I went to the store and bought this:
A folding cane. Overall, I have good mobility and little muscle weakness, but lately is a different story-massive headaches, muscle weakness, pain, pain, pain. My right side has been KILLING me, and there are days I could barely walk down the hall. It took enormous strength to decide to buy one-it was like buying a cane was admitting defeat to my body. I have doctor's appointment next month and am on the wait list for an earlier one. I would not be surprised if he scans my brain again, or if there is new swelling/damage. I've been using the cane around the house and it has made a difference, but it's still hard-physically and emotionally. Today, I'm thankful it's temporary and that I am not completely dependent on it...yet. I am also very thankful that we decided to move to this house, this relapse has reminded me just how grateful I am for one story living.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

This is how I spend my day...

Location: Picking my students up from the computer lab.

Student: It feels like I wet my pants.
Me: Did you?
Student: (looking down) No. It just feels like I did.
Me: Are you sure? Do you need to go to the bathroom and check?
Student: (grabbing his pants) Nope. I'm sure. Sometimes I feel like that after I stand up.
Me: Okay.
Student: Even if I did, it'd be okay. I wear camo pants. You wouldn't be able to tell.
This is how I spend my day...

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Phonics and arguing with eight year olds

My students have been studying trickster tales and were assigned to write their own. One little boy, we shall call him Confident Boy (CB) from here on out. He is a super sweet kid, loves school, loves learning, has some serious ADD (not hyperactive) and reads far below grade level. For all that he struggles with, you would think he would give up or not care. Exact opposite-this kid loves to learn and wants to get it right. He is in an intervention group and we have been debating if we should change him to a different (harder) group because he is doing so well. He brought me his trickster tale and this is the conversation that followed:

CB: Here's mine! Can you check it for me?
Me: Sure! The Rabbit Feth. Is that the rabbit's name?
CB: Oh, that was supposed to say feeth. I didn't know how to spell it.
Me: Feeth? What's a feeth?
CB: You know, a feeth, someone who takes your stuff.
Me: You mean a thief?
CB: No. A feeth.
Me: A theif. Thhhh ieeeef.
CB: No. Feeth. Ffffffff eeeeeeeth.
Me: CB, the word starts with th, not f. It's a thief who steals things, not a feeth.
CB: (looking skeptical) Are you sure?
Me: 100%
CB: Can I check in the dictionary anyway? Just to make super-sure? I still think the word is feeth, like teeth.
Me: Go for it. T-h-i-e-f.

I then wrote down his title "The Rabbit Feth" and a brief explanation to the other teacher about the intended title. Needless to say, CB stays in his phonics group...and was actually surprised that thief was in the dictionary...and feth wasn't.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Where does your mind go?

First order of business-HOW has it been so long since I last blogged??? I am deeply sorry. After moving into our house (YAY!) We did not have internet for a while, then we got internet and work became super crazy, then work did not become any less crazy and things got crazy at our home. Anyway, I am going to try and get back on track with my old blogging schedule.

Now...onto the rambling. My mother-in-law and I were discussing the new Wells Fargo signs popping up all over town. She hates them and thinks they look stupid. I don't like them either, but my mind went somewhere completely different. Follow along if you can:
Stagecoach --> Old West --> Crime and Yucky times --> Robbers hijack stagecoaches -->Wells Fargo is going to jack my money.

Where does your mind go?

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Bathroom Line Conversations

Today a former student of mine who is now in fifth grade had this conversation with his teacher while waiting in line to use the bathroom after PE. My class was running late and we were alternating students so mine could go after lunch.

Boy: Well, I won't be stinky today!
Teacher: That's good.
Boy: Yup. My mom sprayed me with strawberries and cream body spray so I wouldn't smell bad.
Me: [choking on my full mouth of water. Trying to swallow and not die of laughter.]
Teacher: (doing her best to hold in the laughter) What did she spray you with?
Boy: Strawberries and cream body spray.
Teacher: You know that's usually just for girls right?
Boy: Nope. It's a manly smell. It's definitely not for girls. She sprays it on me everyday before school, that's why I smell so good.

Strawberries and cream body spray: a manly smell for your stinky fifth grade boy.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Exciting News!!!

It's your slacker blogger here with exciting news!!!!

We are closing on our house Friday and moving on Saturday!!!!

Happy dance, happy dance, happy dance :-)

Don't worry, I have been writing down funny stuff my students have said/done and will be posting more soon. Preparing to move has been WAY more stressful than I anticipated and is taking up almost all of my free time...along with preparing my lesson plans a week in advance in preparation for the crazy that is about to occur.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Deep Pain and Great Loss

I'm trying to find the words to articulate how I feel right now. I'm doing my best to prepare lesson plans for next week while I am back home in Jersey. Two days ago I received a call from my mom telling me news I could not have prepared for, and have only begun to fully digest. Please forgive me if my rambling is more scattered than usual. I have not had the ability to talk or express much of my pain inside without breaking down.
A man who I have considered my brother (E) for the past 20 years was found dead in his home-he wasn't even 45 years old. His partner (B) of 23 years, who I have also called my brother for the past 20 years, was the one who devastatingly found him after being gone for a weekend trip. I can't believe it. I truly cannot believe this has happened. This couple was one of the real ones. The ones who were supposed to grow old and gray and go on senior cruises. The couple who fell in love in high school, had the gentlest, most kind hearts, and built a life and love that was the envy of all who had the pleasure and honor of knowing them. I may be bias (after all he was my brother) but I have never, ever heard any negative word spoken about him. He was just that man. The man who served his community, loved his friends well, and took care of everyone...but himself. E had some health problems that B was asking him to get checked out. E said he would...when everything else was taken care of and he had some time. I know how much I hurt right now, and I cannot begin to understand B's pain. His status says it all, "He was my everything."
B called my mom and through his tears talked about, of all things, my wedding. How they never got theirs, how much they wanted it, talked about it, but never did. E's family didn't approve, didn't recognize their relationship and while they bought rings 3 years ago they never had a ceremony to proclaim their love and relationship. They never got their moment because they loved his family and were hoping and waiting that one day they would change. They were willing to wait. E's family never changed. They are "allowing" B to participate in the funeral and arrangements. THIS pisses me off. "Damn skippy they are 'allowing' him!" was my first reaction, but the truth is-B isn't family. He will know nothing of what the autopsy discovers, he will get no information at all-unless E's family tells him. 23 years together and he's a stranger. A roommate who split a mortgage payment.
I don't often feel "less than." I have friends and family and co-workers who recognize my relationship, call my wife my wife. I am treated and feel "equal to" but the reality is, I am "less than." 23 years. An amazing life together, names that for as far back as I can remember have always intertwined as one. They were B&E. Never B. Never E. Always B&E. And now in a time of immense pain and grief, B is no one. He is a stranger with no answers and no information while dealing with the pain of loosing the love of his life-his everything. Next week I will stand beside him as we lay the love of his life, my brother, to rest.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Word Search Fun

Wife was drinking wine and solving one of the word searches I made for class. She did not like the words listed, but chose to find her own...this was the best one:

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Back to the daily grind!

School officially starts tomorrow, and if meet the teacher was any indication-we are in for some awesome stories...hang tight people, hang tight!

Sunday, August 14, 2011


I have had a wonderful week visiting B-man, but alas all good things must come to an end. He will stay here with Gam'ma and Gam'pa while I return to North Carolina. I have had a wonderful visit with lots of snuggling, doggie kisses and playtime. I intended to go back "home" today but the forecast has thunderstorms the entire 8 1/2 hour drive so I have decided to wait until tomorrow where it should only be scattered rain for a few places. Hopefully this was a wise decision. My plan was to go back today and work in my classroom Monday, doctor's checkup Tuesday, classroom Wednesday and we officially start Thursday. Now I will only have Wednesday. Fingers crossed I did not just put myself behind the eight ball...
We are hoping to hear positive news this week on the house we are trying to buy, but realistically it's looking like we will be homeless for a while. We offered the full asking price on a short sale and the bank came back with a counter offer $20,000 higher. Is that even legal???? Let me repeat that again: WE OFFERED FULL ASKING PRICE and the bank said NO, WE WANT $20,000 MORE. We countered back with a letter stating we offered FULL ASKING PRICE and were sticking to that amount. One of two things can happen at this point-1) the bank realized they were being dipsh*ts and agrees to take FULL ASKING PRICE on the house or 2) the bank decides to continue being dipsh*ts and says no, at which point we walk away and start looking all over again. Seriously, how is that legal? If you know please enlighten me because I am still flabbergasted four days later.
Lastly I leave you with my favorite pictures from my B-man visit. On my first day here I put a bandana on B-man. Note: he does not like clothes, bandanas, etc. He wore it all day while we played "red light green light" throughout the house. He is sitting with his new best buddy Gere Giraffe. They go everywhere together-as best buds should. I think his face says it all, "Are we done with pictures and bandanas...I want to snuggle with you.
Seriously. Can I take this off now?

Sunday, July 31, 2011

What's a gal to do?

Wife is away at a family reunion for the weekend and I stayed behind to watch the cats. Yesterday I ran a ton of errands and today I was planning on hanging out at the pool, except that is rained ALL FLIPPING DAY. What's a gal to do? Make pizza!
I made a gluten free pesto, goat cheese, mushroom and artichoke heart pizza. It was so awesome! I sent the wife a picture and she begged me to save her a piece while she's munching on the few vegetables NOT prepared with meat. I did. A very very tiny piece. I also prepared enough topping and a second crust to make later in the week :-)

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

How's my day you ask?

I had an interview on Wednesday before we left for the beach. THEY LOVED ME. The school had a great feel of all the things I love about my old school. The principal was away and they wanted me to come back in this morning for him to meet me. It went well but was awkward. Each time he went to ask a question they team would tell him, "she already answered that one" until he finally found two questions to ask. They said they would let me know within the next two days. I received an e-mail 2 hours later essentially saying thanks but no thanks and we passed your resume on to another principal who might like you but we won't tell you who or where it is. UGH.
There are fewer and fewer good positions available and either the schools are not interested in me at all or they call me in and decide I'm not what they are looking for. I need a change of environment at work, I'm just NOT excited about going back to my old school...add to the 50 MILE FUCKING HOUR DRIVE each way and you have one unexcited lady on your hands. I'm almost at the point of throwing up my hands and giving up.
Our meeting at the fertility center did not go so great today and it's looking more and more like we will be waiting at least an additional year to try and start a family. "Scared Shitless" does not even begin to describe how my wife is feeling and when I started running more of the numbers (without my raise and with my added driving costs, daycare, etc.) it's beginning to look more and more like a pipe dream. It was the one thing keeping me going and it's genuinely slipping away.
All I want is to do is go snuggle with my puppy but I can't. B-man is 550 miles away at my parents' house. He started to not do so well with the other dogs, no routine/schedule/space and when all of his toys were destroyed he began to show aggression. We sent him away about two weeks ago. He's doing really well up there but I miss him like crazy-especially on a day like today.
How's my day you ask? Fan Fucking Tastic.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

My Daily Schedule

It's amazing how little there is to blog about when you are homeless and not working. Here's what I did today: fed the animals, covered myself in sunblock in preparation for laying out by the pool, gave up after 2 hours of overcast, made lunch, played with animals, searched for jobs and homes online. See why I have not blogged recently? THIS IS NOT INTERESTING. What IS interesting is that I have another job interview tomorrow before we head out to the beach :-) Yesterday I sat in a workshop with my current co-workers and we began planning out the first nine weeks of the school year. They have NO idea that I have been interviewing any may be leaving, I felt crappy keeping it from them but it was better to keep it a secret than risk my "possible" departure turning into a big dramatic thing around the school rumor mill. We still have not heard back from the bank, but are keeping our fingers crossed that they will give us a reply next week. That's all for now, hopefully something more interesting will happen that gives me something to write about!

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Positive News!

The seller accepted our offer and now we are in negotiations with the bank! We should hear back in about 2 weeks and could close by the middle of August. Hopefully I will also hear back from one of the many schools that I have applied to...and have them offer me a position. Wife says the school that turned me down was stupid because I'm awesome and they are missing out on increasing their awesomeness. I love her :-)

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Sweet Baby Jesus!

We have found an AMAZING home that is a short sale-the seller has accepted our offer and now the bank is reviewing it before making a decision. Sweet Baby Jesus let them accept it-the place is PERFECT for our needs and in a great location for our jobs and family...fingers, toes, eyes, everything crossed that the third place is the charm!!!!

Friday, July 1, 2011

Updates from the homeless blogger

Today is the first day I have had internet since everything went crazy with the house and moving and putting 99.5% of our stuff in 1 storage POD and .5% in another storage unit.

Update 1:
The closing on my house went off without any problems. This may not seem like a big deal but it got a little shaky toward the end.

Update 2:
Wife recently got a promotion at work (with a raise) and yesterday she got an additional raise!

Update 3:
The sellers rejected our backup offer on the AMAZING house, and there's nothing out there at the moment that interests us. We're going to continue saving up our money until we find the "perfect" place.

*fun text anecdote regarding updates 1, 2 & 3*

Wife's dad: There is a bottle of wine in the fridge, you two should celebrate
Wife: Celebrate our homelessness?
Wife's dad: Haha, no your raise!
Wife's dad: As long as I have a home, you will never be homeless
Me: Text him, awwwww...puke

In case you are wondering, she did not.

Update 4:
The school where I interviewed said they would be in touch in the next couple of weeks...that's better than them telling me 'thank you but no thank you' right? I've applied at three additional schools so far just in case...

Update 5:
Baby news-after many LONG lesbian style over-processing conversations we have made a decision. We're going forward with the baby plans. Home or no home. We'll have a place by the time the kid is born (+10 months from now) and we're not going to wait an additional year when we may close on a place in 3-4 months.

Update 6:
With the realization that all of our possessions are packed TIGHT in a storage unit (and I mean TIGHT) we probably should have kept more things out than we did. Things like more than 1 frontline and interceptor for the animals, things like some fall clothes in case it takes more than a month to find a place. Good thing we don't have many bills during this time!

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Positive Sharing Time!

Yesterday I wore my mom's "lucky" necklace that my grandma gave her when she got married, which she then passed down to me when I got married. Here's are the reasons why I busted it out...

1)I had a job interview yesterday-fingers crossed they call me back and offer me a position. The school is amazing, the pay is beyond amazing, and I really, really want it!!!

2)We went to look at a different house that is even more awesome. The bedrooms are HUGE, the closets are HUGE, the kitchen is HUGE (and set up very well), the layout is fantastic and it has a garage! Wife and I are in discussion of what to offer-and my father-in-law found us a lender with a lower interest rate and lower closing costs.

*Baby update-we have decided that if we are in a home (or under contract) by the end of August we are still going to try this year, if not-we'll wait. Fingers crossed the lucky necklace pulls us through this hard time!

Thursday, June 16, 2011

How could I forget to mention...

How could I forget the worst part-because we are about to be homeless and have no stable plan, all of the baby plans have been put on hold. We had already decided that we had a brief window of trying from July-September. With all of the housing issues we are dealing with, we haven't even gotten to the doctor (which was supposed to happen at the beginning of June) so it does not look like we will be having a baby for at least another situation is frustrating and emotional, but the baby situation is devastating.


The boxes are closing in on us, and we need to be out of the house in 13 days. We had a place all set up, closing date and everything...notice I said had. Yesterday all of that went to sh*t when we found out there were some major structural and ground issues that could not be seen unless you were in the crawl space. At this point the plan is to put 99.99% of our stuff in my father-in-law's garage, stay at my best friend's place for the month of July with the dogs, then possibly move to my father-in-law's place until we find something. I'm trying to convince my wife to just say f*ck it and get an apartment...I cannot believe we are about to be homeless, and that I am voluntarily giving up a perfectly good home (that we can afford and that's in a good neighborhood)...please send good thoughts our way as we figure out what we are going to do and where we are going to live...

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Fingers crossed!

Our house in officially under contract and we have put an offer in on a house-fingers crossed they like our offer and take it, because we need a place ASAP!

Thursday, June 2, 2011


Sorry I've been gone lately, and am likely to be gone again for a little while. Our house is currently under contract and we are moving in less than 30, we do not have a place to live yet but that is neither here nor there. Updates as they come!

Sunday, May 22, 2011

It's exhausting being weird

L-Gato was sitting up as he normally does, went, "Meeerp!" and flopped. He stayed like this for at least 10 minutes.
A close up so you can see his weirdness better.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

How observant are you?

The wife and I stopped at a rest stop on our way back home from DC. She saw this standard sign that I have seen countless times and ignored. There are 4 things wrong with it. Can you find all 4? (scroll down for answer)

1-Let's start with the most obvious and biggest error: the dog is sitting. While this may not be a problem for a picture of just a dog, it's plain wrong for the context.
2-We've established the dog is sitting, now notice the leash is loose. This is not a problem until you read the explaination for problem 3.
3-Most importantly why is the owner leaning backward as though they are being pulled with a loose leash by a sitting dog?
4-It says dog walk. The dog is not walking. The dog is sitting. And pulling a person. Who is walking.

Wife could NOT stop laughing and saying, "Whoa there doggie, slow down doggie, not so fast-we can't keep up!"

How observant have you been? Have you ever seen this sign, and like me not noticed anything weird?

Saturday, May 14, 2011

79 words

79 words. That's what it took to go from me to we, from single to married. 79 life changing words. Everyone at work keeps asking if I feel different, and honestly I don't know how to answer them. On one hand we've been married a week today-that's not much time to change, to develop a "married" identity. On another hand my wife fell and sprained her ankle our first day of marriage (that's what she gets for being nice and carrying her brother's bag to his taxi) and I was searching the only CVS near us for things she needed. They were out of cold packs. I. Lost. My. Shit. I burst into tears in CVS over cold packs. It sounds crazy but I had this enormous weight on my shoulders to care for her, protect her, provide for her. All I could think was that I made a vow to support and care for her and on day one I failed. My mom (who came with her paramedic bag from her hotel down the street) brought me back to reality that regular old ice would be just as effective, but I guess in that moment I felt "different." I loved her with all my heart before, but now there is a weight I carry. It's a weight I can't fully explain in words-but there is no denying it exists. I've been told by my friends that marriage changes thing, and while I don't necessarily feel different, I have changed.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011


Do you think I have enough hair products/toiletries? Seriously. I'm bringing all of this and yes, I really use most of it in on a daily basis. Only 4 things are wedding specific. It's when I put all of it into one bag that I realize just how high maintenance I am despite my low key look :-/
And now a funny B-man picture!
And a close up of him being so comfortable he doesn't even care I'm in his space taking pictures

The wedding gods have smiled upon us-I got all my lesson plans done, packed everything, and was done by 9pm! AND the weather is supposed to be 70 and sunny :-)

Tuesday, May 3, 2011


Things that are not done/ready:
-sub plans
-house cleaned

*it's a short list like that, but it's a serious amount of sh*t to get done: 4 days of sub plans and printed sheets for students for all my lessons, a stack WAY to big to grade in one week, packing anything and everything we might possibly need, cleaning because the mess and chaos has gotten WAY out of control.

We leave in 1 1/2 days (Thursday after a half-day of work) meaning I must have everything packed and ready by tomorrow night...holy shit. Girlfriend is housesitting for her dad right now and isn't home to help get all the crap that needs to be done done. CLEARLY the house is not getting cleaned. My sub plans will be done at school tomorrow, grading will have to wait as well. AND the end of grade testing is in 9 school days...something I did NOT realize when we were picking a date-rather testing is much later than usual so it's not for a complete lack of forethought. Back to mental planning: Packing will begin at home tomorrow night when I print my exhaustive checklist tomorrow at school...which I just realized I can't do because our printers are broken. Packing will begin at home tomorrow night when I print the packing list I e-mail to myself at work tomorrow. There are seriously NOT enough hours between now and Thurs. morning...

Sorry, I had to get all that drama out of my head so I could function for another hour before crashing and starting over tomorrow.

T minus 4 days until Girlfriend and I are hitched!

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Reason 1,000,001 why I am marrying this woman

In case you needed another reason why I am marrying this woman:

Location-Girlfriend's mom's church
Day-Easter Sunday

Organ prelude music playing and Girlfriend is making some faces as though she is in serious deep thought.

Me: What?
Girlfriend: This does not sound like Christ is Risen. This is Christ is Risen and He's a Zombie.

She then proceeded to be a zombie, right there in church.

...and she was totally right about the prelude music.

BEST PART- an elderly woman in front of us turned around, agreed and laughed!

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Sibling Rivalry

Today's Sibling Rivalry:
B-man was napping on the couch.
He heard Q-dog barking in the other room and got up to investigate. Q-dog came to the living room and took his spot.
B-man said, "What the....." and waited.
And waited.
And finally gave up.
I made cheez-its while all of this was going on :-)

Saturday, April 9, 2011


Our house has been seriously sick this week:

B-man has grass allergies and he's attacking his feet. Good thing we go to the vet soon!
L-Gato is sneezing constantly...not exactly sure what's going on but it's pissing him off
Girlfriend has a terrible chest cold and does not seem to be getting better
My allergies are kicking my ass and demanding that I claw my eyes out

I will post again once our house has begun to recover....

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Airing tomorrow!!!

Remember the CNN thing with my teacher group? It's set to air tomorrow night on Anderson Cooper 360 @ 10. I can't wait to check it out!!!

*Truth-I will be sleeping because it will air past my bedtime. I have set the DVR to record it and I will watch it the next day at my convenience.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Around the house

Here's what we have been up to...picture style!
L-Gato had found a new favorite place to sit and watch his kingdom. Any suggestions on how to stop this would be greatly appreciated.
We've had a lot of rain and gloomy skies. It was nice to see an actual rainbow after the B-man and Q-dog nearly squished me being afraid of the storm!
I made strawberry shortcakes for our anniversary!
I also made a new dish called "Tortilla Soup" in the crock pot. Who says gluten free and vegetarian has to be boring???

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Jumpy Jitters

I'm getting married in 44 days...and some pretty important stuff still has to be done!

I'm beginning to get some jumpy jitters, and while I am NOT having cold feet...I am silently freaking out inside. Here is what is making my insides jumble around like-well I don't know because I don't have a simile at the moment. I'm too busy being freaked out.

[Listed in order of how worried/freaked out/jumpy I am...not necessarily in rational or essential order]

1. Pulling this sh*t off
I'm not worried, nervous or scared about being married. I am worried, nervous and scared about pulling off the wedding. There is a lot of crap to get done in a very short period of time, little details such as who is picking up the flowers from the florist still need to be decided. Unfortunately some things won't be able to be taken care of until the day before which is quite nerve-racking.
2. Changing my name
I decided to change my name after we get married. I want our family to have one last name, call me crazy but I want that. Unfortunately it's not looking like it's going to be very easy. I talked with the county clerk and because our marriage won't be recognized in our home state they told me I should call a lawyer to see what I should do. There is always the option of a court order change, but I don't want that to happen. I was fine with the court change until I found out if I do that everything changes...including my birth certificate. I can't change my birth certificate. To do that would be to say that I never existed, that I am somehow turning my back on my parents, erasing who I was and am. I want it to change from this point on, not my entire history. I'm waiting on a lawyer to get back to me on if there is any way around this, because I really really really don't know if I can go through with the court order change. Girlfriend by the way does not care at all. Her thoughts-you want to change it, change it. You don't want to, don't. It's your name, you decide.
3. My dress still needs to be altered
I know, I know, I know this should be like worry #1 but it's not. I have a date scheduled to have it altered, and that has been 3/4 of the battle. What I don't have are shoes...yeah, I know that's important too. I'd get some this weekend but we already have plans, maybe some day next week after work I'll get a pair...or at least start looking since my dress is being altered next Friday!

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Support System

I took a huge risk when I came out at work. It's completely legal to fire me over something that is not related to my work performance, yet I chose to take that chance. I live a very "out" life everywhere else, and got sick and tired of hiding something that I am not ashamed of. Where is this coming from you are wondering?
Last night I was hanging out with a co-worker/friend last night and we were talking about how close the wedding is, my pre-wedding jitters (NO. I am not getting cold feet, but I will explain my jitters in a future post), the shower they just threw me at school, etc. She mentioned again how several people were talking sh*t, asking her questions and generally fueling the rumor mill. Here is a snippet of our conversation:

Me: Wait. What are they asking you?
Co-worker: Just the same old stuff, 'What-what-what do you know about her?' I tell them I know a lot. Then they asked, 'Well, what do you know about her wedding?' Again I told them, 'A lot. She's my friend and I actually talk with her, not about her. Go ask her yourself if you have questions.'
Me: (laughing) True. You did Facebook stalk me for a while.
Co-worker: That's only because I love you. I tell them one-if they want to know something go ask you and you will tell them, two-stop spreading rumors that have no backing, and three-it's really none of their business and if they don't have the balls to say something to your face they need to shut up.
Me: You did not!
C0-worker: I did, but that's NOTHING. While this was going on (Co-worker on my grade level) heard and came in pissed about them talking sh*t about you again. She slammed the door shut behind her, and got in their faces. She told them if she heard one more mean or negative thing said about you that she would personally make their life hell. Girl, you don't even know how mad she was, she was ready to bust some people up.
Me: No. Way.
Co-worker: Oh yeah, I stood in the back while she gave them a lecture about she thought she had already made herself clear about keeping their opinions to themselves. How you are one of the nicest people here, always help everyone, and are a better person than any of their sorry asses who talk sh*t about people behind their backs because they have nothing interesting going on in their own lives.
Me: Well thank you for defending me. Seriously.
Co-worker: Girl we got your back. Nobody is talkin' shi*t about our friend. Especially people who don't know anything about anything.

She still wouldn't tell me what was said, but I have a pretty good idea based on who was involved. It's good to know that I'm supported at work by some pretty amazing people.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

3 Reasons

3 Reasons my job sucks:
1. My salary (with no raise for three years and counting) after 5 years is less than an administrative assistant starting out (Seriously. Those who say teachers are overpaid CLEARLY do not work in North Carolina).
2. We are constantly told we are not doing enough, but are not allowed to actually TEACH because of all the stupid paperwork, extra crap and structure we have to follow from those who have NEVER been in a classroom or forgot what the day-in-day-out is really like.
3. Yesterday at car duty a student spit at my feet when they got in their truck. The parent laughed. I could do NOTHING but say "That's GROSS and RUDE" or I would be the one in trouble. Yet, somehow it's the teacher's fault when children are disrespectful, rude or just plain ass-hats. I had to put the same child in their car today. I refused to look at the child or the parent and slammed the door shut. I'm waiting on the parent to come and say something to me or the office. They don't want to f*cking try me on this one...I will LOOSE. MY. SH*T.

After these frustrating realizations I went through the job listings after work and realized that I have two degrees but am not qualified to do ANYTHING. Here's fingers crossed that I still have a job next year and that they don't cut my pay (again) with the bullshit line of "we're not in it for the money" from the person who makes 2-3 times my salary. No, I did not go into teaching because I wanted to make a ton of cash, but I should be able to pay my bills and maybe-just maybe-have a little respect.

Coming to this unfortunate realization, I had to remind myself what I do like because clearly I have very little options-

3 Reasons my job is awesome:
1. I get to hang out with funny kids all day, discovering "new" things. (Remember the revelation that we are animals and the very-very old post about fish being thirsty?).
2. Sometimes I'm the only one who cares about them and thinks the child deserves a chance. Believe me-that kid will let you know how much they need you. Every. Single. Day. Added bonus is that you can insert your own beliefs into their developing worldview and teach them how EVERYONE should be treated fairly, even when their family is trying to instill in them something different.
3. Former students who come back to visit. They hug you and you realize they are taller than you yet you still see the little 7 year old in them. They just want to stop in and say "hi" because they miss you. (That made getting spit at much better...clearly I'm still pissed and have some anger issues to work out. I still REALLY want to spit on him-I won't, but I f*cking WANT TO!!!!)

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Who is in charge of training cashiers???

When I was in high school I worked in a grocery store. One of my several jobs in the store was bagging groceries for customers. Everyone in the store was trained on how this should be done and there was a HUGE focus on consolidating the customer's order into the most manageable bags. That included filling bags correctly to provide stability and structure, to not making them so heavy they cannot be carried comfortably, to what order things should be stacked. Apparently this is no longer done (or at least not taught at any store in NC that I have been to) and I seriously believe this needs to be reinstated.
I went to the store today after work to buy Lucky Charms for tomorrow's math lesson-because I'm a slacker. We are doing some graphing/fractions/fun stuff for St. Patrick's Day, but that is really not important to the story. What is important is that I was in the express lane with 1 large box of cereal and 1 Burt's Bees Chapstick. Here is how this went down, see if you can follow my frustration....

Me: I don't need a bag.
Cashier: Are you sure?
Me: Yup.
Cashier: (looking perplexed) You're sure you don't need a bag? I can put them in the same bag for you.
Me: (putting Chapstick in purse) Nope, I'm sure. I can carry the cereal.
Cashier: You're sure-sure?
Me: Yes. I'm sure-sure I can carry a box of cereal to my car. I don't need to waste a plastic bag for my forty-five second walk.

Was I a bit snippy at the end? Yes. Was it justified? YES. I mean seriously-you want me to take a bag to carry a box out of your store that I had absolutely no problem carrying up and down the isles of your store all the way up to your register, but somehow when braving the elements outside your building my arms will become too weak to support the cardboard box and I need a bag to help me. This is what is seriously wrong with people-and putting my stuff in a plastic bag and then into my canvas one.

I almost forgot-the man in front of me bought 1 loaf of bread, 1 bottle of wine, 1 large can of beer, 1 pack of hot dog buns and 1 can of something. I think green beans? I don't really remember. What I DO remember is how many bags she thought he needed....go ahead and guess. Did you guess?

Correct answer-3

3 bags for 5 things. Seriously.

bag 1-loaf of bread and hot dog buns
bag 2-can of beer and can of vegetables
bag 3-bottle of wine

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Just call me Alexander

Remember this book?
Ever have one of these kind of days? Where everything and anything goes wrong, where you can't seem to catch a break and no matter how hard you try you can't shake the bad day-just-want-to-put-my-pjs-back-on-and-start-over blues? I mean look at the kid on the cover. His day has gone to sh*t and he's not even out of bed yet. Today was that kind of day-and it started last night. I knew last night that today would be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day and there was nothing I could do to change it.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Exploding their world

Background Information: We are studying soil and worms in class.

Today's lesson-Worms: Where did they come from?

Me: Everything living falls into one of two groups, plants or animals.
Student 1: Wait, what about us?
Me: Are you a plant?
Student 1: (indignant) No!
Me: Then you are an animal.
Student 2: Cool! I'm a monkey!
Student 3: Yeah! I'm a turtle!
Me: NO. You don't get to choose an animal. You ARE an animal.
Student 4: Nuh-uh! We're people!
Me: Yeah...humans are mammals, mammals are animals. Therefore you are an animal.
[more crickets]
Me: Seriously. I'm not making this up. People are animals.
Student 1: Whoa...

Sometimes the best part about teaching is exploding the world as they know it. I love watching their face as they discover they know absolutely nothing and can't wait to tell everyone their new found fact.

In other news B-man seems to be doing a little bit better. We moved his crate to where it use to be about 4 months ago. While he's still not happy about being in his crate he's not shredding his bed like he was last week.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Weird Dog Behavior

I know I promised pictures of their "interesting" ideas about being President, and it's soon as I can find the cord to plug my camera into my computer.

I need some dog-people help here. B-man has been acting REALLY weird the last two weeks when we crate him before leaving for work. He shakes, hides, and has torn his bed to sh*t trying to get out. He's NEVER had a problem being crated in the past, and normally runs to his bed when we say, "Go to your bed for a treat!" Any suggestions on what would cause this dramatic change and how to fix it (leaving him uncrated is NOT a choice) would be very appreciated.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Gay Ass T-shirts

Our gay ass t-shirts arrived today! Girlfriend had them made for us to wear at our After Dinner After Party when we get married in 74 days (but who's counting) a.k.a. "Drinks and Drag" at a fabulous club. I told Girlfriend we needed some glitter; she told me that that could be I'm scared. I don't actually like glitter, I just feel given our attire and location that glitter should be required.
Yes, they already have dog fur on them. I put black shirts on a bed where B-man was sleeping. It's a hazard of being a crazy-pet owner.

In other unrelated news, I meant to bring home some highly interesting reading to share with you all. In lieu of Presidents' Day yesterday I had my students write about what they would do if they were president-stay tuned tomorrow to read some entertaining excerpts from their essays!

Friday, February 11, 2011

Sh*t just got real (x2)

There was never a "Sh*t just got real 1, but I have two things to briefly share:

1) Girlfriend and I are getting married in 85 days. For realz (yes, I just typed the word "realz") My dress came it, I picked it up and it only needs minor alterations which is fabulous because I have been having nightmares that it would't fit!!! We set up our donation registry and can send out our official invitations now that we have the menu finalized. Everything else is completely taken care of and set for May, which feels strange. Seriously, 85 days??? Sh*t just got real.
2) As you have read already in a previous post, I am part of an organization of LGBT teachers in North Carolina and we have been working on ways to help out in schools, trainings, etc. as well as support one another in our unique situation. The group has been around for almost 2 years but I only found out about them about 6 months ago when I read an article online. CNN is coming to our meeting on Friday as part of a special they are doing on LGBT educators because they want to feature our group! My principal knows I'm out and active with the organization but I think I should give her a head's up*t just got real.

Here is an unrelated anecdote from class today:

One little boy was acting ridiculous, I mean ri-dic-u-lous all day (including but not limited to jumping around the classroom and acting like he was eating poop when he ate chocolate pudding at lunch) by the afternoon I had had enough. He was practicing his flash cards and every time he got one right he said, "How do you like them apples!" I didn't think I could handle the last 45 minutes of the day without loosing my cool, so for both of our sakes I sent him up to the office where he took his 3 minute multiplication test-which he failed. I was furious because he wrote stupid answers for problems he KNEW the answers to, and even said the right answers out loud! My assistant principal jokingly told me I should have put a huge F on the top of his paper and ask him how he liked those apples. Hilarious suggestion that I will have to remember for next time!

(Big news requires big graphics)

Monday, February 7, 2011

Alliteration: nine-year-old style

Our students are working on figurative language and today's task was to write the best and longest alliteration possible, one child tried hard very very hard but failed terribly terribly failed. Here it is for your reading (and cringing) pleasure:

James cooked pizza and some wings so he needs some butter butter bitter bitter butter.

Not exactly sure what "butter butter bitter bitter butter" is, but I certainly don't want "James" cooking for me any time soon....

Monday, January 31, 2011


Granola recipe:

5 cups of oats (I use thick cut)
1 cup chopped nuts (walnuts, almonds, whatever you have)
1/4 cup sesame seeds (not toasted)
1/4 cup sunflower seeds (I didn't have any at home so I left this out and doubled the sesame seeds)
3/4 teaspoon of cinnamon

1/2 cup apple juice or apple cider
1/2 cup honey

1 cup dried fruit (whatever you like-I used 1/2 dried cranberries, 1/2 raisins)

Preheat oven to 300 degrees. Mix together the first group of ingredients in a big bowl, heat juice/honey in the microwave until the honey dissolves. Add to bowl and mix REALLY well. Pour onto a big cookie sheet and bake for about 20 minutes. Stir every 5 minutes or so and watch it carefully towards the end-it will go from toasty and awesome to burt and smelling like butt in a second.

Dump back into bowl and add dried fruit. Put mixture in an airtight container and let it cool. Some of the mixture will clump together, if you don't want clusters occasionally roll the container as it cools.

Yogurt recipe:

I suggest starting this in the afternoon the day before so you will have yogurt in the morning! Pour 1/2 gallon of milk (whatever you normally drink or have at home-I used 2%) into a crockpot and heat on warm for 2 1/2 hours. Stir at this time to make sure it doesn't stick and turn off crockpot, make sure the lid is on during this time. Let it hang out for 3 hours. After 3 hours take out about 1 cup and mix in 1/2 cup of plain yogurt from the store. Add this back to the mixture and stir it REALY well to completely combine. Put the lid back on top and cover your entire crockpot with several heavy towels. Do not move the crockpot AT ALL and let it do it's thing for 8-10 hours. The longer it sits the tangier it will be, it is up to your taste buds at this point. When you uncover your container and look inside you will have yogurt! If you want it thicker then put it in the fridge to completely cool before adding scoops to a coffee filter in a sieve. Let the whey drain until you get the consistency you like (I drained mine for about 1 hour to make it between regular store yogurt and greek-style). It's a little time consuming, but honestly it's not really any work-you ignore it for 2 1/2 hours, ignore it again for 3 hours, and ignore it AGAIN for 8-10 hours.


Sunday, January 30, 2011

Bringing "Tree Hugger" to a new level

It's no secret that at our house we (well mostly me) are tree huggers. We clean with vinegar and baking soda, buy organic, and make most of our food from scratch. Today I brought it to a new level. I borrowed a co-worker's crockpot and made our yogurt for the week. It was SOOO easy!!! I have to be honest, the main reason was price. We were spending between $6-8 A WEEK on yogurt-that's up to $32 a month (I know you can do the math, don't be insulted). I made enough for two weeks and it only cost me $1.50 a week-or $6 a month!!!!! I also made my granola this week-gluten free granola is CRAZY expensive. Turns out, mine is tastier and about 1/4 the price. We got a gift card at Christmas that we have been sitting on, waiting to decide what to I made the decision-crockpot. Judge me all you want, now this tree hugger has some extra cash!

Monday, January 24, 2011

LONG week ahead

Today was the first day in a VERY long week. We go to school for six days (hopefully) to make up for ones we missed because of snow....and they are calling for freezing rain later this week:-( It's bad when even the kids who don't love school want to be there. Today was a day. A long day. A tiring day. A make-me-repeat-myself-1,000 times-and-you-still-not-listen day. You want some examples?

-A kid rolled across the carpet when I was teaching. Like Stop, Drop and Roll-roll. He then looked at me confused when I nearly lost my shit and made him turn his behavior card.
-A kid dumped a HUGE amount of change on the floor..twice, and then again on the bathroom floor. This was after I told him to put all of it in his backpack. I told him there was gross stuff on his money now because it touched the bathroom floor and boys miss and pee on the floor.
-One child lost his damn mind and started juggling bags of chips when I was fixing a computer. He had the audacity to give me a dirty look when I DID loose my shit.

I told Girlfriend all of these things and how I had a terrible pain in my chest all day. It hurt so bad I seriously was thinking she punched me in my sleep and broke some ribs (clarification-she sometimes flails about when she is sleeping, not that she beats or abuses me) Here is the converstion over dinner:

Me: I seriously lost my shit today. I can't do this five more days. Not with this pain, I seriously think I'm going to die.
Girlfriend: Baby, you've had this happen before?
Me: WHEN! My ribs are KILLING me!!!
Girlfriend: I don't remember when, but I remember this happening. It's just gas. You will be fine.
Me: This. Is. Not. Gas.
Girlfriend: It. Is. Gas.

Hours was gas. I'm fine now :-)

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Not Right

There is snow on the ground. Target has bathing suits for sale. That is not right.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Nothing Exciting Here

Monday school was closed for "inclement weather" I put those words in quotes because it was f*cking gorgeous (cold but gorgeous) and didn't start to snow until AFTER FOUR PM. Tuesday morning school was closed and there actually was some inclement weather, ice to be specific. Wednesday has already been called off because of ice. Now, we use to call a delay and see what happens as the morning goes on but noooooooo, now we must shut down right away. What does this mean in the big scheme of things? I have to go to school this Saturday and Saturday the 29th. Awesome.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Better Late Than Never

I know this is a little late, but internet access was limited at Christmas and then all that *future* baby mama drama happened, but here it I spent Christmas-a.k.a My family is not right.
On Christmas Eve my mom decided we should have eggnog, but she couldn't find any suitable glasses. My grandma handed her shot glasses and thus the new tradition began. The Charlie Brown tree belongs to my aunt. Really. It was a gift from my mom and can barely stand up without extra supports. So my mom and I took shots and my aunt drank too much wine and passed out. What were we to do then? Search her online dating profile and wink at people of course! Christmas night got even stranger when my grandma joined us in shots for a game of Left, Right, Center-or as my mom renamed it Left, Right, Drink up bitches. About 3 games in my grandma was trying to tell a story when she stopped mid sentence and said, "Oh hell I'm sh*tfaced." I texted all of this to Girlfriend who replied with, "I'm glad I'm marrying into that. My family is just sitting here staring at one another with nothing to say. We could use some alcohol but that would send us to hell."

Sorry it's late but it was too fun not to share with you!

Monday, January 3, 2011

Ray of Hope

Thank you all so much for your thoughts, support and condolences. These past few days have been very difficult for me (and Girlfriend) as we struggled to figure out what to do now. After much tears and feelings and processing (we are lesbians after all) it was time to get proactive again. I was not going to be content to be told I could not have any legal standing and e-mailed half a dozen lawyers here and in other states. Unfortunately no other state (including DC) can grant us an adoption and one lawyer here in NC told me there was nothing I can do. PSHHH. What where they new and thought I would accept that??? No.
I continued searching the interwebs and found out about a little used thing called co-guardianship. I could find out TONS of information about co-guardianship for other states but NOTHING for North Carolina. It was as if they didn't want you to know about it. I called another law firm (one that has done many same sex second parent adoptions) and the woman told me, "Yes, of course! She can appoint you as a co-guardian. It only takes a week to go into effect and will at least give you some rights and legal control while this whole mess is being sorted out." So there, we now have a plan that does not include twiddling our thumbs while the state screws us over. It's not what I wanted, it's not ideal but it's sufficient for now. The lawyer also said that she has, "received a ton of e-mails and phone calls from families freaking out about what to do now" and that she is confident there will be more lawsuits and probably some changes down the road (again). At least for now we have a ray of hope that while I can't be their legal parent, I can be their legal guardian. I will continue to keep you all updated as things unfold...