Wednesday, August 25, 2010

First day, first awesome quote!

Today was not at dreadful as I was expecting and I actually have some really sweet kids in the mix of future juvenile delinquents. One child in particular was unintentionally HILARIOUS today. He is an only child and from now on will be referred to as Little Adult (LA). I had several notes on the board as to where to put supplies, backpacks, lunch boxes, etc. and he asked me my name 3 times in ten minutes stating, "Sorry, I really want to make sure I get it right." Note-my name is very common and spelled the way it sounds. He then asked me where to put his extra paper, then he asked me where the pencil sharpener was, then he asked me if he could get a drink, then asked something else that I can't remember. THEN he said, and I quote: "Sorry Miss ______. I'm going to run you ragged with all my questions today."

I'll give you a minute to really absorb that.

SERIOUSLY, what eight year old talks like that?!?!?! It made my day. That and the realization that there are only 4 months from today until Christmas and only 179 student days until summer!

Monday, August 23, 2010


Tomorrow is one of my least favorite days of the year. It's an itty-bitty bit better than parent/teacher conferences and Back to School night. Tomorrow is "meet the teacher" for two hours. It sounds harmless, doesn't it? Bring your kid and their supplies, drop stuff off in the classroom, say hi to the teacher and leave. Yet it's one of my levels of hell because it involves many things that I am not good at including:

1) small talk
2) smiling for long periods of time
3) being perky when I've been on my feet for 10+ hours already
4) interacting with parents
5) answering the same questions 15+ times

I don't know what happens when parents walk into the room. I am perfectly fine, holding conversations with co-workers and friends then BAM! I develop an awkward stutter and all my credibility goes out the window. I don't want to talk about your "baby" or your "angel" I just want to go home, eat dinner and go to bed early the night before I will spend the first of many awkward days with your "angel" as we figure out how this is going to work for the next 180 days. Don't get me wrong, I like what I do. I just don't like interacting with parents. If I liked talking to adults all day I would work in an office.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Principal Attire

My principal needs this shirt to let the rest of the world know what we are ALL too aware of...

I looked into job openings in other districts but choose to finish my last year on a contract that would eliminate $5,000 of student loans. Let's hope I didn't make an enormous mistake...

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Highlight of the Day

I was at a SUPER overwhelming staff training yesterday and today which has left me less than excited for the upcoming school year. The highlight of the day was having a conversation with a co-worker while watching a video clip about this new curriculum program we are starting. Enjoy!

Befuddled Coworker: Wait. Whales are mammals?
Me: Mhmmm.
Befuddled Coworker: Really!
Me: Um, were't you here yesterday when we watched the same video clip?
Befuddled: I guess I missed that part.
[10 seconds of silence as the video continues]
Befuddled Coworker: Baby whales drink milk???
Me: Uh, yeah...that's part of being a mammal and stuff.
[awkward silence]
Befuddled Coworker: [too loudly] But where are their nipples?!?!?!

At this point our entire table burst into laughter, which then got us a stern look, which made us laugh even harder because she kept going saying, "How don't I know this? Wait, don't I teach this? Oh, crap! My poor students from last year! Whales have nipples? Where? Oh, I'm so confused right now."
In conclusion: Whales are mammals. Baby whales drink milk. We don't know where the mother whales' nipples are located so feeding remains a mystery.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

I'm concerned about the future...

Let's play a little game, shall we? It's called: can you spot what's wrong with my beer in this picture?
Take your time...

I went to the store and bought groceries, I hand the cashier my bags that I brought from home. The bagger man proceeds to fit the majority of my things in one bag which was fantastic. All that was left was beer. The cashier girl asks me, "Would you like this in a bag?" I look a see that I have a spare bag and reply, "Sure, that would be great." She then puts my beer in a plastic bag. As she's doing this I say to her, "Excuse me miss, but I have an extra bag that I brought with me." She looks over says, "oh, ok!" and puts the plastic bag in the reusable one I brought with me, hands it to me with a smile and says, "Have a great day!" The bagger and I look at each other, look at her and look back at each other in disbelief. I had to take a picture and share this story with all of you to remind you that you should ALL be very concerned about the future decision makers and voters of this country...

Monday, August 9, 2010

Highly disappointed in my brethren

I am an advocate for motorcycles. I can't help it, I was raised on them. After my 9+ hour drive to Jersey yesterday I have made some observations and feel obligated to share. Motorcycle riders fall into three distinct categories (For the record yes, my background makes this a bias observation and I will not apologize for that.)

Group 1: Serious Travel Riders
This is the group that my father belongs to. These bikers are serious about riding. They often have trailers that they pull behind their bikes (as my dad does) to carry all their stuff on cross-country trips. These bikes are essentially thinner convertible cars. They are huge, I mean huge but you would never know they are coming because they are so quiet. These drivers act the same way that car drivers act mostly because they take up about the same amount of space.

Group 2: Weekend Riders
This is the group that my mom belongs to. She drives a Shadow Aero around town on the weekends, rolls around town having fun, but isn't going to go across country on her bike. These riders generally obey traffic rules, especially in congestion. They recognize that they are smaller and that the SUV will crush them. Their advantage/defense is that they are noisier than the touring bikes so you at least know they are around.

Group 3: Crotch Rocket Assholes
Clearly I had some bad experiences yesterday. But seriously, haven't we all seen these assholes weave in between cars, ride the dotted line and drive like a bat out of hell down the street for no reason and shake our heads at their stupidity? These riders think they are invincible, that traffic laws don't apply to them and that they can do as they damn well please because they are small and fast. It should be no surprise that sport bikes have twice the death rate as cruisers, standard and touring bikes. On my drive yesterday I watched three CRA (Crotch Rocket Assholes) weave between cars, split, left/right/left around cars at mind-blowing speeds. Later in the day I watched another CRA ride the dotted line while everyone else was stuck in traffic due to a serious accident. That being said, I would like to give some accolades to one CRD (driver) who saw the CRA who rode the dotted line. This gentleman obeyed the traffic laws, threw his hands up in the air and shook his head at the other rider in disbelief. I'm not saying there are no responsible drivers of these bikes, but when I see you I assume you are an asshole until you prove differently.

There is your generalization of motorcycles on the road. Remember people, knowledge is power...

Thursday, August 5, 2010

I love surprises!

Girlfriend and I were supposed to go here on Wednesday but considering that it is a sour note (pun intended) I surprised her and took her here. She was totally surprised and VERY excited about it. She took some hilarious videos that I will do my best to get a copy of and post here but for now you can enjoy this picture:
My best friend's wedding was amazing and it was awesome to catch up with people that I haven't seen since we graduated college. It made me miss them and it also brought up random stories from my past that Girlfriend didn't know about. Nothing bad-things like jumping in fountains, partying late into the night, and standard drunken fun. Girlfriend did get a little concerned about the things I did in the past, thinking that I was missing my wild side and would leave her because I'm "bored" with her. At first I thought she was kidding, but when I saw the tears in her eyes I quickly reassured her that I love her, am in this, and while it's fun to reminisce with my friends about our wild days those days are long behind me. I'm much happier renting a movie, drinking wine at home, snuggling with dogs on the couch and socking away money to start a family.
Speaking of family (like the segway?) I'm heading home to Jersey on Sunday and kicking it with Ga-ma and Gam-pa (that's what B calls them...don't judge) before starting the school year. I'm certain something entertaining will occur so stay tuned! I'm cutting this short because there is a for-serious storm outside and B needs my full attention right now. He's already had a stressful day with two baths (more on that next time).

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Update: The wedding was awesome but I am so. hung. over. Lengthier post when my internal organs are no longer fighting with each other of who gets to torture me at the moment.