Friday, January 30, 2009

Warm Fuzzies

I just want to say thank you to everyone who left me such amazingly sweet, sincere, and uplifting messages during my freak out session over Bible Chick bailing.  It gave my heart warm fuzzies (thus the picture) and I felt I needed to come out of my hiding corner and say thanks.

In other news, my favorite holiday (Groundhog Day) is just around the corner and I have done something ONLY I would do in our school.  I have convinced my students that the holiday is A-mazing (which it is) and they are stoked for it to get here.  I mean, they are wanting to wear costumes, make cards, see if we can watch anything on a live-streaming video, etc.  Not only am I doing my best to impart positive attitudes towards all people on the next generation who will make/break laws, I'm also single-handedly trying to revive the best American holiday.  I'll let you know how it goes, but in the meantime...who is hoping for a shadow and who isn't?  Just wondering because the class is split right down the middle.  

I leave you with a story from today created by D (A little boy who I have a love/hate/love relationship with-he loves to interrupt me and I hate it, but I love what he has to say):

Me: So, yeah.  That's Groundhog Day.  Thoughts, opinions, feelings?
D: (emphatically) I hate the groundhog.
Me: (over-dramatically shocked) I'm sorry what?  What was that exactly?  Did you just say you HATE the groundhog?
D: Yes.  I'm tired of winter.  So if he sees his shadow, we are going to have some issues.
Me: What if he doesn't see his shadow and spring is coming?
D: Then I will love him.  I might even make him a song.
Me: Oh, I see.  You have conditional love for the groundhog.  I see the game you're playing.
D: I mean, I like winter, but I'm tired of being cold.  I want to play outside.  I know it's not his fault and I shouldn't blame him, but, but.  (Sigh) My relationship with the groundhog is..........complicated.

Yes people, he went there.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Did we just break up?

So Bible Chick peaced again.  I know, I know, you're thinking, "Why are you friends with her?"  We go way back people, don't judge.  We have been friends since 2001 and have been through a lot together, the good-we laughed, the bad-we cried, the ugly-we judged, the fabulous-we got souvenirs, but through it all we have stayed friends.  Through distance, bad relationships, work, life, etc. we have always made it work.  

So here's the situation: I checked my phone after work and there was a sniffly, scratchy, broken message that said, "Hey girl it's me.  I'm SOOOOO sorry, but I can't meet tonight.  It's not you.  Honest.  It's me.  I'll call and explain when I can talk.  Again, I'm SOOO SOOO sorry, but I'm just not in a good place right now.  Alright, love you.  Bye."

Ok, is it me, or does it sound like we just broke up?  (You were thinking it too, admit it.)  For serious, who leaves a message canceling dinner with, "It's not you, it's me" and "I'm just not in a good place right now"?  That's the sh*t you say to someone when it IS them.   Really though, she had to leave a mildy-cryptic message like that, because I would develop a complex and a detailed story about how it totally was me if she didn't.  That I had done something, that my roommate outing me to her was an issue, that I was an ass, etc.  The truly scary thing is, she's not the only one who has ever left me a message like that.  Soooo, maybe it is me?  That I need freakish reassurance from those close to me when they cancel...that I'm not being abandoned or something?  I feel like now I'm sharing too much, it went from being funny to being personal.  Ok, I'm done.
Now I'm in a conundrum.  I've looked and looked and looked and tried to rework it in my head, but nothing feels right.  I can't erase all that about me at the end because if I do it's not being true to myself, and honesty is what it's all about.  But leaving it makes me feel all naked and exposed.  Grrr, I hope you are happy readers....this post is for you (cue me hiding in the corner waiting for the next post to reveal itself)

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Too funny NOT to share

Seriously, this is ridiculous and I feel like I am living in an episode of The Twilight Zone.  I have been gluten free for just over three years now after I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease so essentially I have kept a diet completely free of all wheat, rye, spelt, MSG, gluten, and just recently began eating oats-certified GF of course-and loving them.
I know, none of this is especially interesting, I'm getting there, I'm getting there-you needed this background information!  Well my dog, as many of you know sheds like a MoFo...and for those of you who don't know, it's bad y'all.  My mom calls him a walking christmas tree because he sheds like a real tree sheds needles.  You can tell where he has been by the trail of fur he leaves behind.  She was talking with one of her friends about him and they suggested I add fish oil to his diet.
Me, being me, started Googling about dog food brands, shedding, etc. until I found a brand of food that they sell at the local tree-hugger-pet-friendly-we-carry-a-little-bit-of-everything-store which I have never been to because I didn't know they sold pet food (their front sign is misleading, and they have furniture in the window, so really, not all my fault.)  Off I went with my list in hand, ready to get food until I got to the isle.  Holy overwhelming.  I stood there like a kid asked to read Mandarin in front of the school until the dog food guy came over to my rescue.  He was super helpful and we talked about his shedding issue, what I had found online, etc.  Here is a paraphrased conversation that followed:

Me: Well he sheds a lot.  Like, a whole lot and brushing doesn't seem to help.
DFG: What breed is he?  Is he supposed to shed?
Me: A terrier mutt.  Nothing that should shed like he does.
DFG: Does he scratch a lot?
Me: Yeah, I mean not constantly but he scratches.
DFG: Is his belly always really pink.  Not like pale pink, but really pink?
Me: Um, yes.
DFG: Does he sneeze often?
Me: Um, yes. (feeling slightly creeped out that the DFG has got to be spying on my house)
DFG: It sounds like he has allergies.
Me: Allergies?  What kind of allergies?
DFG: Most likely to his food.  Odds are he's allergic to corn...and probably wheat...but definitely corn.  It's actually very common in dogs, and changing his food should help a lot.

[end conversation]

Now, I inappropriately started laughing, which just made me look like an ass but I couldn't help it.  No worries, I explained it to DFG and he laughed too.  My dog is allergic to his food.  Specifically he is allergic to corn and (probably) wheat.  I told my roommate this when I got home, she also inappropriately laughed and said, "Could your dog be any more perfect for you?"  I called my mom and she too laughed inappropriately.  I overheard her tell my dad-who is apparently the only person I know with a heart because he didn't laugh and said, "Poor little guy!"
So now we are trying out two samples-it will come down to Lamb and Rice or Venison and Sweet Potato...stay tuned to the riveting ending of this story, hopefully with less shedding, sneezing and scratching!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009


When I thought my dog couldn't get any stranger I realized something today: he totally has dendrophobia (kinda).  Dendrophobia is the fear of trees-he specifically has a fear of dead trees/branches.  Now, he's not the bravest or smartest dog in the pack...but still.  
We went for our usual walk around the neighborhoods today and lots of people in the area have piled up their branches next to the curb for pickup tomorrow.  We were walking, he was sniffing, and then anytime we came up to a pile of branches he went ape-sh*t.  Shaking, crying, running on the other side of me-pretty much being a world class weenie.  
This isn't the first time it has happened, he was like this after Christmas and there were trees piled up on the curbs.  Then I didn't think anything of it, I thought maybe it was the smell of the trees, or something, but now...he's just totally weird.  

P.S.-no Bible Chick story because she canceled (I'm pissed, let's not talk about it) and we are meeting next week instead (unless she bails again)...Yes.  Bitter, party of one.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Keeping it balanced

Yesterday I was all "Super Dyke" and fixed the sink, and now I feel all off.  I tread a fine line between butch and femme and if I lean too far to one side, I need to do something opposite to get back to me.  SOOO, today I am baking muffins from scratch to fix this weird off-kilter feeling inside.  Gotta keep it balanced y'all, gotta keep it balanced...

Saturday, January 17, 2009

What the hell?

So the sink broke overnight.  (I tried to think of a good opening statement/intro but couldn't so we are starting this blog essentially mid conversation.)  Everything else that has a pipe connected worked-every toilet, shower, sink, washer/dryer, etc. except for 1 sink upstairs.  I got on the computer and tried to trouble shoot what the hell happened from yesterday to today.  

Here's what happened for about 45 minutes:

Step 1: Google something online
Step 2: Talk to myself
Step 3: Dig in toolbox
Step 4: Schlep up the stairs
Step 5: Fiddle with said idea from online
Step 6: Schlep down the stairs
Step 7: Look at roommate and say "Nope."

Repeat steps at least 7 times.

After about 45 minutes she finally cracked.  I looked over at her and she is just shaking on the couch trying not to laugh-cuz I'm SOOOO not in the mood.  Here is the conversation that followed.

Me: What?
Roommate: (laughing) Nothing.
Me: Seriously, what?
Roommate: (still laughing)  Nothing.  It''s just...your gayness is showing.  Just call someone and get it over with.
Me: (looking down at my shirt and laughing) gayness is showing.  And hell no I'm not calling someone.  I will figure this out.

Another 2 hours later the sink is working and no, I didn't call anyone.  Unfortunately as my mother pointed out-my day was shot to shit because I'm stubborn.  Whatever.  I fixed the damn sink.

Homo-1 Sink-0

Thursday, January 15, 2009


I guess I should be upset or something.  I think that's the correct emotion to have...but I choose to think it's funny instead.  Here is the scene last night: my roommate was making dinner and I was being good company in the kitchen.

Me: So, anything new so far this week? (I hadn't seen her since Monday)

Roommate: (chopping carrots) Um, I don't think so.  Oh!  I almost forgot, I totally outed you to Bible Chick.  I thought she knew.

Me: (laughing) Ok, random.  How did this come up?

Roommate: Well she asked how you were and what you were up to.  I said you were good, still seeing CLF and her eyes were all, "seeing who?" and I realized she didn't know.  I mean, it's public knowledge at this point, I figured you had either forgotten to tell her, or hadn't gotten around to it yet.  So yeah, she knows and probably will be calling you so be prepared.

Me: Good to know.

[End scene]

I think I'm supposed to be mad/upset.  I mean there is that tiny-itty-bitty rule that you never out anyone, but was hilarious.  She was just so matter-of-fact like, "Oh we were out of laundry detergent so I bought some when I was at Harris Teeter.  Just wanted to let you know so you didn't go buy more." that even if I was offended I couldn't stay upset.  I called Bible Chick that night and set up a time to hang out next week...I'm 100% sure I'll have something to write after THAT meeting.  I mean, I didn't label her Bible Chick on here for nothing...

Monday, January 12, 2009

Segregation for Seven Year Olds

It's that time again, the ever difficult how-do-I-explain-this-eloquently-and-age-appropriately event of Martin Luther King Jr. Day.  Children are a unique group-1980 is forever ago, black and white pictures are a gazillion years old, the Constitution is fair, and the law treats everyone equal. 

Oh to be seven and have the ability to live in a sheltered and naive bubble.  There is something magical about talking to children about segregation, discrimination and equality.  There is an intrinsic "that's not fair" reaction from all students.  To watch their eyes get big when they realize it wasn't that long ago people of different races couldn't get married (especially when they have parents of different races) or that they couldn't play with their best friends anymore. Most importantly when you tell them that things still aren't fair for everyone-they get it.  Not only do they get it, they want to change it.  And that is a powerful feeling.  To see seven year olds understand (to the best of their seven year old ability) why people fought against discrimination and how people still are fighting today and then to watch them get all impassioned and want to change the world, it makes you feel all tingly and sappy inside.  Realizing that the children in my classroom may one day be those who vote to give me my rights creates a sense of urgency to teach not tolerance-but acceptance and respect.  You have to believe it matters, because if you don't believe it-why should they?

Ok, enough seriousness for one post-on to a fun story from the end of the day starring "A"-a little boy with limited English speaking (and comprehending) ability.

A-You no married Miss _______?

[Y'all, we have been over this, and over this, and over this.....]

Me-No, I'm not married.  That's why it's Miss ____ and not Mrs. _____.
A-What you no married?  Why you no have husband?

[Dude, are you my student or my grandmother?  Seriously.]

Me-No, no husband.  Why do I need to be married A?
A-Cuz, you do.  You no want babies?  You need to have marry to have babies.
Me-I don't need any children right now, I have 23 that I take care of every day.
A-I think you no want a husband.  I think you should still get married.

[If he only understood the truth of that statement.]

Me-One day A, I'll get married one day.
A-Good.  I come.  I buy you good present!

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Best (new to me) Show

I'm not quite sure what happened.  I was flipping channels and got sucked in to the most random comedy show on's The Principal's Office on TruTV.  I don't think it's intended to be a comedy, but it totally is.  If you click on the link below, beware that you might become obsessed.  

AND bonus fun of them was MY assistant principal when I was in high school!  Yup, true story.  Same guy, different school.  I won't tell you which school because I feel like it's revealing too much about me (sorry!) and I like to keep at least a little bit of personal space.  Check it out, but be forewarned, it is addictive...

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Kids are weird

This is not a new revelation.  I am surrounded by seven year olds for 6 hours a day, but sometimes I forget just how weird kids are.  Maybe it's because we were off for holiday break, maybe it's because their parents are letting them stay up late, maybe it's because we are just getting back into the rhythm of school, or maybe it's simply because they are seven....but my students are being weirder than normal this week.  
Today's story is about a very smart little boy named T:  While I was teaching about something (relatively) important and walking around the room monitoring independent work time, I made eye-contact with T.  This was not weird, I do this all the time.  It's sort of a "You ok? Need me to come over and help?  Are you daydreaming or are you thinking?" kind of look.  He gave me a smile and a thumbs up to let me know he was good and just thinking (read-daydreaming and got caught, realized and started working.)  Later on in the day while I was again teaching about something (relatively) important when he got weird.  People, as I am explaining about different types of landforms-in the middle of a sentence-I watch him grin and wave at me from his seat.  It wasn't a "Mr. Pilot please tell me you see us down here on the deserted island!" kind of  wave, it was more of a "Hey I see you over there and just wanted to acknowledge your presence" kind of wave.  

He waved.  
At me.  
While I was teaching.  
As if I hadn't seen him all day.  
It was 1:00 people. 

Naturally I started laughing.  Because I mean, seriously?  A kid who I said good morning to, have talked to several times today, had him run errands, waved at me in class like I was a friend across the cafeteria he hadn't seen all week.

 Somehow I forgot-kids are weird. 

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Just in case

I thought to myself, "Self, you should share."  So I am.  Now, just in case you don't have enough things to do with your time, blogs to read, blogs to write, or if you are simply needing a procrastination destination I am here to help you out my people!  Below are some blogs I have recently found and enjoy and am sharing them just in case you need something else to occupy your time...

Work starts up tomorrow and I'm positive there will be stories abounding!


2009 is starting out in a victorious way.  Our recently elected school board took a major step forward and revised the bullying and harassment policy.  It now reads as follows:

Students shall not engage in bullying of other students or harassment on the basis of race, religion, sex, ethnicity, sexual orientation, national origin, or disability.

Yes people, you read correctly.  Further proof that sending letters to the school board and lobbying for the protection of all students does actually matter and is actually relevant to what happens in those meetings.  Here's hoping for further positive changes with our new school board and NC as a whole!