Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Did we just break up?

So Bible Chick peaced again.  I know, I know, you're thinking, "Why are you friends with her?"  We go way back people, don't judge.  We have been friends since 2001 and have been through a lot together, the good-we laughed, the bad-we cried, the ugly-we judged, the fabulous-we got souvenirs, but through it all we have stayed friends.  Through distance, bad relationships, work, life, etc. we have always made it work.  

So here's the situation: I checked my phone after work and there was a sniffly, scratchy, broken message that said, "Hey girl it's me.  I'm SOOOOO sorry, but I can't meet tonight.  It's not you.  Honest.  It's me.  I'll call and explain when I can talk.  Again, I'm SOOO SOOO sorry, but I'm just not in a good place right now.  Alright, love you.  Bye."

Ok, is it me, or does it sound like we just broke up?  (You were thinking it too, admit it.)  For serious, who leaves a message canceling dinner with, "It's not you, it's me" and "I'm just not in a good place right now"?  That's the sh*t you say to someone when it IS them.   Really though, she had to leave a mildy-cryptic message like that, because I would develop a complex and a detailed story about how it totally was me if she didn't.  That I had done something, that my roommate outing me to her was an issue, that I was an ass, etc.  The truly scary thing is, she's not the only one who has ever left me a message like that.  Soooo, maybe it is me?  That I need freakish reassurance from those close to me when they cancel...that I'm not being abandoned or something?  I feel like now I'm sharing too much, it went from being funny to being personal.  Ok, I'm done.
Now I'm in a conundrum.  I've looked and looked and looked and tried to rework it in my head, but nothing feels right.  I can't erase all that about me at the end because if I do it's not being true to myself, and honesty is what it's all about.  But leaving it makes me feel all naked and exposed.  Grrr, I hope you are happy readers....this post is for you (cue me hiding in the corner waiting for the next post to reveal itself)

12 comments:

sheA said...

It is frighteningly F.R.E.A.K.Y. how much we are alike Jersay- so if you ask me......nope youre not naked to me- you're not an ass--- you're a good person, a great friend....you're the total package....it's just sometimes when friends from way back ago, well when they start their worlds reeling on account of something personal about us.....well, it sorta stings...and it makes us question every relationship. But don't be skerrid- just trust in the fact that there is someone out there guiding your foot steps- and you might stumble- but you're not going to fall, and if you do fall- you'll fall into the hands of LOVE.

Asphalt Cowboy said...

My thoughts are as such-

It really may be her. If you guys have been friends for forever and a day, she would be honest with you about what's going on. She's probably thinking you're going to freak out, so she was trying to shore up your confidence.

If she's having an issue with your sexuality, she's trying to assure you that it's HER problem, and that she needs time to work it out. You should give her a call this weekend to say hello, and treat her as you always would.

openworm said...

hey what up Ramblings of the surprise dyke!! i think thats a funny message too.. i would take it that way if it was me.... maybe she likes u?? maybe shes just not ready to see you?? ummmm.. i dunno sounds werid

kimber p said...

I think I would (as hard as it seems) take her word for it and give her the space she needs. Evidently she's got a major inner struggle going on and she's trying not to hurt you, but she knows it's unavoidable.

Stay true to yourself..and sometimes it isn't about you. Really.

The Surprise Dyke said...

Shea-Awww....warm fuzzies

The Surprise Dyke said...

Asphalt Cowboy-thanks for the kind words and suggestion!

The Surprise Dyke said...

Openworm-Welcome and thanks for posting your thoughts on the situation :-)

The Surprise Dyke said...

Kimber P-thanks for the suggestion

Dar said...

My gawd, you don't know how many times I've done the same thing, taken the story further than I should. You and she go way back right? Trust in that then. I know it's hard too, but you both are still the same people that shared all that you have ... She just has to come to that realization herself, and you have to let her. She's begun the process with, it's not you, it's me. X Dar

The Surprise Dyke said...

Dar-Thank you for your kind words and reassurance that it's not me

eb said...

Well, I totally would react the way you did and conjure up major assumptions based on my own anxieties about how inadequate I am as a human being and a friend. Then, I would do just what you did, ask someone else if I'm a total loser. That person would then tell me every thing your friends her have told you. And, then I'd feel better but the whole thing would still really bother me.

Sometimes I just thrive on self torment. I can't add to the advice except to tell you, 'hey, me too!'

The Surprise Dyke said...

Eb-Sweet, it's not just me. I'm glad you are in the nervous, neurotic, over-processing boat with me.