Way too much fun

Before I left Jersey to come back to the comfort of the south where I belong, my mom and I had way too much fun making cookies.  Here is a picture recap of our fun/competitive nature...

We started by baking a bunch of normal sugar cookies.

Well, normal except for the misshapen gingerbread men...

After icing and decorating most of them, I (shockingly) got inspired by all of the colorful crystalized sugar.

The more you know!

Which then inspired Mom....

...to make the gayest cookie in the bunch.

Which appropriately ended in a snowman decorating contest...because nothing is ever really "just for fun" in our house.  There is always a competition waiting in the wings :-)

Hope you enjoyed this as much as I did!

Today is brought to you by the letter M!

Sesame Street flashback anyone?

Ok, SOOOOOO, I joined in their reindeer game (sorry I couldn't resist, go ahead and roll your eyes) courtesy of Shea who joined from Hope.  Now, I was supposed to ask Hope for a letter, but I don't know Hope like that, so I asked Shea.  CLEARLY from my title I have the letter M, so without further adieu.....

10 Things I love that start with the letter M: 

(alphabetically as to not show partiality)

1. Macaroni-and/or all types of pasta.  Let's be real, pasta just makes the world a better place.

2. Math-it sounds as wierd as it is.  Math is concrete; it has a right and a wrong answer.  There is very little gray in math and especially living in a world of gray and frequent misunderstandings, math is there to tell you, "Hey, there is an answer out there!  There is a right and a wrong!"  Yes my math talks to me, don't judge.

3. Me time-it may sound selfish, but I love me time.  The time I have by myself to reflect, process, journal, read, etc.  I not only love it, I need it.  Without me time I'm not much fun to be around...ask my roommate of six years.

4. Mind-blowing books-it's no secret I love to read and a mind-blowing book is one I can read repeatedly and still find new things I love each time...some examples are The Pearl, Brave New World, and Body.

5. M&Ms-peanut not plain.  I seriously think I could live for a week on peanut M&Ms and black coffee.  I say a week because I don't think my internal organs would be very happy with me only eating these two things and would demand I add #1 into the diet too.

6. Mom-I love my mom.  It's corny.  I don't care.  When I look back on my life if I'm half of the mother/person she is I will count my life a success.

7. Mornings-specifically sunrises.  What out in nature makes you feel smaller, more insignificant, and in awe of God than watching the sun rise over the ocean?

8. Music-I heart music.  Each genre/artist has its own specific purpose in my life.  Classical=study/reading time, classic rock=cleaning the house, etc.  Music lifts your spirits, lets your anger out, makes you reminisce and laugh...and you can listen to it anywhere courtesy of the ipod.

9. Mutts-i.e. my puppy.  Simply put, he is a mess.  I wouldn't have it any other way. :-)

Last but certainly not least....

10. My people-ok, so this is a slight copout...but it's my list so whatever.  I love my people.  My family, my friends, my gay posse, my blogger crew (i.e. Shea and Carolyn), my students, my people.  I'm a very blessed chick.

And for the record I'd like to clarify about my copout. I could have gone on and on with things like monkeys, mint chocolate chip ice cream, mugs, marsupials, minor league baseball, mangos, mountains, etc. but my people needed to be on the list!  If you want to play along get a letter from Hope (if you know her like that), Shea (if you know her like that), or me (clearly if you are reading this you fit into #10 and know me like that).

Quick Question Y'all

Ok, I thought I was done posting until after Christmas, but seriously, this cannot wait.  It's topical, time limited and consuming all the empty space in my brain I need to think about more pertinent things.  Now I have heard about these in way too much recently in Christmas songs, seen them at nearly every street vendor, and smelled them blocks away.  However in all of my 25 years of life I have never gotten up the courage up to try them.  What is it you wonder?  What could I  hear about at Christmas time, see everywhere and smell around the block but refuse to try?  

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire.  Let's be real people, they f*cking stink.  They just do.  I feel like they are seriously pimped out in Christmas songs and by street vendors but I have never actually seen someone eat them.  

All of this brings me to four questions in numeric order:

1) Have you ever tried them?  

2) What do they taste like?  DO NOT SAY ROASTED CHESTNUTS!

3) Do they sell them by you or is this a distinctly northern thing?

4) Which state do you live in?

I'm seriously curious about this strange and smelly tradition.  So, now that you have read this leave me a comment below (anonymous if you so desire) answering the aforementioned four questions.  Even if you have never posted before, or wound up here by some convoluted blogger chain of links from other people's pages, please respond because I have been thinking about this WAY WAY WAY too much and need some outsider help!  

Gracias mis personas y Feliz Navidad!

Fish Out Of Water

Ok, so I realized something the other day and now in true fashion I must share it with you, my faithful (and sporadic and first time) readers.  I do not belong in Jersey anymore.  I am officially a Southerner, and no longer fit in in this culture.  And I'm completely okay with it.  Really.

Let's go back to the picture at the top, which will serve as my visually-aided analogy.  

Tiny bowl = Jersey (i.e. cramped, people up in your space, no where to move.)

Large bowl = NC (i.e. spacious, fabulously decorated, breathing room, places to swim.)  

Now, I will never ever ever deny that I come from the tiny bowl.  It is where I learned to be an independent person, a free thinker, and challenge everything presented to me.  It's made me me.  But really, would you go back to the little bowl after experiencing the large one?  I didn't think so.

For years I have considered myself a northerner in the south, a beacon of Jerseyness in a sea of Carolinians, a Yankee in a Confederate Court if you will.  However, I've realized over the last few days that this may have been true when I moved but alas, I now belong to (and in) the south.  I have lived in the south for almost 8 years now [WOW...I didn't realize it had been that long!], and when I am there you can definitely see elements of my personality and dialect that are distinctly northern.  But, now that I am back in the north, I recognize that I don't belong here.  I can't stand people everywhere, the hustle, the angry impatient attitude, it's just...yucky.  I miss my quiet neighborhood, my spacious yard, people who wave (and not the single finger wave you get here for letting someone in in traffic), holding doors open, etc.  

At first I thought maybe I'm just in a negative head space because I miss my puppy who is staying with my neighbors, or maybe it's because I miss my gay posse since I have no friends around here anymore, or maybe it's because I miss CLF and can't wait to see her when I get back, or maybe it's because both of my parents have to work until Christmas Eve and I've only been able to see them at night before they go to bed, or maybe it's because of all of these things wrapped up together.  But the reality is that I know I belong in the big fish bowl with my own hula-hoop of fabulously decorated space and can not be content to live in the little bowl again.  Jersey will always have a special place in my heart, but is not my home...that's the south for this former Jersey girl. 

LATE EDIT INSERT: As I've re-read and edited the above paragraph several times, I can't shake this feeling that it's going to read really negative...it's not intended to be that way at all.  I'm genuinely happy to be visiting my family and it's a strange revelation to realize you don't belong in this place anymore.  But it's also a great feeling to know that you have a lot waiting on you when you return to your home.  So yeah, I think that's what I've been trying to awkwardly write...I'm out of place here and socially awkward and lucky and blessed and humbled and anticipatory and it being all jumbled together is more than okay with me.

So, in conclusion...my gift to myself and my readers is this: it's okay not to belong where you are, it just means there is more out there for you to discover.  I mean, isn't that what this whole journey called life is about?  Finding your place and your role in a very mixed up world?  Search for it, find it, make it fabulous [I mean most of my readers are big homos...so yeah, fabulous is about right for an adjective here], and laugh a lot along the way...life is too short to live it mediocrely.  

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Winter Solstice, and any anything else I forgot that you may celebrate y'all!

Sure, if that makes you happy

Disclaimer: angry lesbian rant below.

So I love the holidays.  I do.  I love all things Christmas-from the music, to the decorations, to people being nice to complete strangers, I love it all.  Except...............for them.

Look, I'm sorry if you think they're awesome (no, I take that back, I'm not sorry but it's the holiday obligation to not directly be an ass) but I don't.  I abhor their slogan "doing the most good." because it's deceitful.  Do they do a lot of good?  Do they enlist people in the community to help?  Do they reach out and help those in need?  Do they have volunteers gain a sense of looking beyond themselves at the holidays? Absolutely...as long as you're straight.

I have always volunteered in my community.  It's never not been an option (yes, double negative used purposely and correctly) in our home.  Both of my parents are/were volunteer paramedics, my dad and grandpa volunteer fire fighters and I can remember often buying extra things at the grocery store to drop off at the food bank.  It's just how I was raised and now who I am.  It's not a choice, it's an obligation to serve in the community.

Now, I'm not mad at the institution of the Salvation Army for being "selective" at who they allow to help...but damn it, own up to it.  They are a private organization who have their own set of beliefs and codes of conduct, blah blah blah.  Whatever.  What irritates me is how they are super secretive and super misleading as to who they will help and who is allowed to volunteer.  You can volunteer if you are gay...as long as you deny it.  I'm sorry, but that's not doing the most good.  So to the Salvation Army who claims they do the most good-sure, if that makes you happy go ahead and say it-but own up to your exclusionary ways as well.

The Salvation Army, doing the most good....as long as you're straight.

Holy Hangover

Preface: It's my fault that I felt like crap all Saturday.  I fully acknowledge and accept this to be true.

Now that that's done...story time!  So Friday was the big party and it did not disappoint.  We had a blast, the gays and straights mixed well together, and everyone (sans DD) left trashed and in a great mood.  I started drinking around 7 when we were finishing the prep work, and people arrived around 8...at one point you could barely move in the house it was so packed.  The first wave of people left around 12, the second wave left around 2:30 and then there were about 15 people left.  We had already played Apples To Apples (which is way better drunk than sober) when some sober genius decided we should play Cranium...that didn't happen.  Clearly, if 6 of the 8 people playing have never played the game before, it's not going to work when we are 8 sheets to the wind.  (I know the phrase is 3 sheets, but we were way past that.)  We got the board out, rolled the dice and didn't know what to do [duh] and then decided to play Clue.  Let me just say, drunken Clue is awesome...every character got a different name and a background story (i.e. Madame Scarlet who owns the brothel down the street, Dr. Peacock with her feathers in a ruffle cuz someone stole her sh*t, Rev. Green who was avoiding the drunken debauchery-the only sober player in the game, General Poupon who was trying to score with the maid, etc.)  OBVIOUSLY Rev. Green won, because the drunken strategy we used went something like this, "I'm in the dining room with General Poupon cuz I'm hungry.  I'm bringing him because obviously he eats and would know what is good here, and we're bringing the knife cuz we'll need to cut the food."  At about 3:30 there were 4 people still awake and drinking-me [duh] one of my best friends K, my roommate's boyfriend J and his friend from college M.  We played Go F*cking Fish for a while, which then turned into Go F*ck Yourself with a Fish.  Around 4 there were 3 people still awake and drinking-me [duh again] K and M and we played Bitch War is not a game!  (i.e. War but slamming your hand on the table as hard as you can with each card....yeah) until our hands were throbbing and drunken-serious-talk started.  Finally we crashed a little after 5.  

Also, I realized something about my best friend K and me that night, I am her "safety flirt" because the more she drinks, the more she flirts, the more touchy-feely she is, and the dirtier she gets-which ultimately is why we are friends.  This would be fine if her boyfriend if 4 years was there, but he had to work.  So when he isn't around (and sometimes when he is) we get started in our own world of drunken inappropriateness.  Which is fun for us, and I guess entertaining for anyone else who is awake/around (M seemed to enjoy the banter and discussion about how if she was brunette she would be my type, what her type would be if she was a lesbian, good versus bad porn, who among our friends she would make out with, etc.)

So those of you who read to the end, if you were do the math...I got up at 5:30 Friday morning, worked all day, started drinking at 7 and stopped at 5 am Saturday morning...so yes, Holy Hangover (side note: Emitrol is a gift from the pharmaceutical gods-it gets rid of nausea instantly so you can eat again)  I only do this once a year and it was totally worth it, I wish you my peoples could have been here!

Stories find me

I was out at dinner with CLF last night and this is the conversation I overheard while in the bathroom.  Again, you can't make this sh*t up....

Girl 1-You know what I can't stand at Mexican restaurants?

Girl 2-What?

Girl 1-The music.  I mean, the song...it just goes on and on and on.

Girl 2-It's not the same song every time, and anyway most people don't stay here all evening so the songs are new to them.

Girl 1-It all sounds the same.  I mean why can't they play American music.  We are in America!

(at this point I am covering my mouth trying to be quiet, because REALLY??)

Girl 2-True, but it adds to the environment.  It's like going to a Chinese restaurant and hearing their music.  It fits to the restaurant.

Girl 1-Well it's annoying and all sounds exactly the same.

Girl 2-(clearly defeated) You're right, ready to go?

[end scene]

Seriously? WTF??? You are at a Mexican restaurant and are angry that they don't play "American" music.  Ethnocentric much?  

I had several competing thoughts all at once-

Why was no one else here to witness this?  

WTF??

I'm glad I'm not her friend, because I would leave that chick somewhere.  

WTF?? (again) 

Girl 2 is either a saint or an idiot for putting up with her.

I can't wait to tell CLF!  She will love this story! [by the way, she did :-)]

Sweet!  Now I have something to post about! (really)

Yeah, so I realized last night that stories find me.  Here I was, minding my own business and the story arrived like an unwrapped present just sitting there for me on the kitchen table...but verbal...and in a public bathroom...whatever you get my point.  Just like Wouldn't believe it if I didn't see it day.  There is the link for those of you who forgot about that story, are new, or would like to laugh/be disgusted again.

Dangerous

Dangerous new toy to play with...

Orange Box

If you too become obsessed, link them to me in the comment section!

Humble

If you have a family that has abandoned you, is judgmental, or in any way does not support you being gay, you probably don't want to read this post.  Really.  Stop reading.  

Now to those of you who have supportive families, and those who were brave enough to keep reading even though I encouraged you not to, I got an enormous piece of humble pie yesterday at my big gay family Turkey Day dinner.  There were about twelve people who came to dinner throughout the day.  I say throughout the day because some people went to visit their genetic family first and then came to join us later, while others (like me) only went to one dinner.  I sat in amazement as I heard story after story from people who went to see their families.  Stories of how they were treated, were talked at and not talked to, were ostracized, not allowed to spend time with their nieces and nephews, etc.  How they are allowed to come to holiday events, but their girlfriend of several years is not ever allowed in the house.  I then found out that of the people who didn't go to see their families at all, it wasn't just because of distance.  No, it's because their families have abandoned them.  Completely.

Now I know some of you are reading this and thinking, yeah TSD some families suck, what are you getting at?  Here's what I'm getting at (in a naturally very long winded sort of way) I was shocked.  Honestly shocked.  I know that there are families out there who are like this, who use religion and hypocrisy and tradition to push away their children.  But I didn't realize just how prevalent it was.  When I am the only one of twelve people sitting at a table who wasn't ignored, put down, or abandoned by my family, it brings to light just how common it is.  I didn't realize, I just didn't.  Here are some past links as to how awesome my parents just are My Dad and My Mom.  Yeah, they're amazing...and sometimes I forget.

I called my parents when I left dinner just to tell them that I love them and to tell them that I am thankful for how amazing they are.  About everything.  About supporting my career choice, helping me through college, raising me to be an independent member of society, teaching me good manners, instilling in me an obligation to volunteer in the community, and loving me unconditionally for who I am.  Want me to brag on them a little bit more?  I'd love to.  When I explained what prompted all of this, their reaction was classically them: bewildered that anyone could stop loving their child because of who they are.  And assurance that I can always be me, am always welcome in their home (as is anyone I ever bring) and that it's ridiculous for parents to be like that.

How am I today?  Humbled.  And very very very thankful to be so blessed.  We forget how lucky we are until we are surrounded by those who are not.  Now to those of you who read this against my suggestion, here is the hope I leave you.  Don't despair, your parents may change one day.  I'm not being naive and saying they will, I'm saying they might.  One of my friends, who's parents have taken the religious-abandon-til-they-find-Jesus-route, asked to spend time with us.  To meet us, to get to know us.  It's taken them many many many years, but they are moving forward.  So don't give up on them.  Lastly to those of you who are in my camp, call your family, tell them thank you.  

We don't say it enough.

Reason #1 through infinity

Reason # 1 through infinity on how I made it through today: my amazing students.

Y'all know they are amazing.  I have bragged on them in the past.  But nothing, I mean nothing, like I am going to brag on them today.  So, as you all know I have a major bully at work who had me in tears yesterday afternoon, last night, early this morning, intermittently throughout the day, and evening over hateful and hurtful things she had said.  Well, I asked a "leading question" in the office about the building being closed over break and needing to be here (they then led the conversation so I wasn't a "tattle tale" but simply answering questions), etc.  A couple hours later my AP came to my classroom to affirm that I am a competent person, the office supports me, I am a valid employee and not to take it personal.  Not so much people.  Not so much, because attacking the core of my person is very, very personal.  And I let them know about the last three years.  I spilled and I spilled and I spilled and I cried and I cried and I cried like a weenie.  It was nice to hear they support me, but really, it is personal.  When  I went back to class it was pretty obvious I had been crying and the children, being children, asked what was wrong.

Here's the scene:

Me: I'm okay boys and girls.  Really, I'm okay.

Child: But you were crying.  What happened?

Me: Well, someone was very mean to Miss ____.  They said some hurtful things, and sometimes when grownups are upset, they cry like kids do.  

Child: Was (Assistant Principal) mean to you?  Did he hurt your feelings?

Me: No, no boys and girls.  (Assistant Principal) came to talk to try and make me feel better.  But sometimes when we talk about something that makes us sad, we cry.  Even if it's not that person's fault.  (Assistant Principal) was trying to help.

Child: But why would someone say mean things to you?

Me: [at this point I'm feeling myself tearing up again] I'm not sure boys and girls.  It wasn't very nice and I'm trying to be strong for you, but it's really hard today because they were very very mean and made me feel very bad about myself. [cue full on tears in the classroom, in front of the children...a first ever people, a first ever]

At this point the entire class got up, raced over, and gave me hugs.  They were saying things like, "it's okay to cry if you're sad" and "you're a great teacher Miss _____"  and "we're here for you" and so on and so on.

[Cue super big tears at this point]

Child: Our hugs aren't helping?

Me: Yes, yes they are.  These are good tears.  I'm realizing how lucky I am to have such wonderful and caring boys and girls in my room.  Grownups are weird, sometimes we cry over good things too.

Out on the playground later:

J--(y'all know J): [wrapping his little arms around my waist] How ya feeling Miss ______?

Me: Better.  The hugs from the class helped.

J: Good.  Cuz I don't like that someone was mean to you.  You should tell them that that is a repeller and no one will want to be their friend.

If he only knew...if he only knew...

P.S. There is much more to the story, but essentially, I'm now the ringleader (according to my mom...who by the way, I KNOW YOU READ THIS YOU GOOBER-WHO-DOESN'T-SAY-ANYTHING-ON-THE-PHONE...I KNOW!!!!) I didn't set out the be the leader but alas, that is the way it has been at work.  I can't help it.  I got hurt.  I got pissed.  I took a chance.  I opened my mouth and big can of worms (you thought I was going to say whoop-ass didn't you?)...we shall see how the story unfolds...I will be out front leading the protest to Central Office if need be.

Seriously Contemplating

I'm seriously contemplating my current work situation.  I love my kids.  I love my grade level.  I love making a difference.  I love my job.  I don't love being told I'm a incompetent.  I don't love being talked to as a child.  I don't love being belittled.  I don't love being treated as less than others.  I don't love one person at work.  It's bad y'all.  I've come to the realization today that I have a bully at work.  Not only do I have a bully, but it's someone who has the power to (and is) making my job awful.  Worst part about it, there is nothing I can do.  I've tried ignoring her, avoiding her, never speaking to her, pretending she doesn't exist.  It only makes it worse.  She's pissed because I'm good at my job and I don't need her.  She needs me to need her.  She can piss on a volcano.  I'm damn good at what I do, but really, is it worth being treating like this?  I'm not so sure anymore....

Turkey Day is Coming!

Turkey Day is coming y'all!  (I know, I know, thanks for stating the obvious TSD, no problem, it's my pleasure! [super bonus points if you know the restaurant reference])  This will be the first year that I won't see my family for Turkey Day (cue sad, "awww" from the crowd) but it's okay.  I'll see them for 10 days during winter break...that more than makes up for it.  This year I am getting together with my gay posse and having dinner together as one big dysfunctional homo family.  I'm stoked.  I mean if I can't be with my actual family, I might as well be with my big gay family, right?  I have a sneaking suspicion that it might actually be better...but don't tell my parents....(they'll find out anyways....CUZ I KNOW YOU READ THIS!!!!!!!!  That's right peoples, I'm calling you out on reading my blog and not ever commenting or acknowledging it on the phone!)  Anyhoo, for me Turkey Day (by the way, it's never called Thanksgiving in my house, but always Turkey Day) is all about some parade action..Disney Parade, Macy's Parade, parades, parades, parades, and a football game that I will watch but not really care about...I'll be thinking about the parades earlier, and good food later...Turkey Day Y'all....it's coming....quicker than Christmas....

I must be insane.

Really.  I must be insane.  That is the only logical explanation.  Confused?  Explanation.

My job actually matters!

I know that my job actually matters, really I do.  That I am making a positive impact on society, providing a positive role model for kids, shaping and molding the future of our country, blah, blah, blah....but let's be real....most days it doesn't feel like I'm really making a positive impact on society, it feels like kiddie crowd control.  Today however, was totally different.  I live for the teachable moment at work--for you non-education peoples, "a teachable moment" is when something happens, or is said that changes the direction of your lesson to help educate and foster their interests/investigative nature/curiosity.  

Here is the scene.  I am sitting at my desk scoring scoring an assessment they did earlier today while the children are having their silent reading time at their seats.  Y'all know who it stars...your favorite and mine...J!

J: [racing to my desk]  (in an emphatic whisper) Miss _____!  Miss ______! You NEED to come see my book.  There is a VERY bad word in it.  I don't think this book should be in our room.

(Side note: earlier today J was appropriately distraught because there was a curse word written on one of the stalls in the boys' bathroom.  He was afraid another kid would see it, say it, and get in trouble...how sweet is that!  Oh, in case you are wondering the word was fuck, but it was spelled fook...clearly by a kid who needs to go back to Phonics 101 and waste less time graffitiing the bathroom.)

Me: Take a breath, is it something someone wrote in the book that we can erase?

J: No, it part of the book!  The arthur (yes, arthur) wrote it!

Me: Ok, bring the book over.  [Now at this point I am getting nervous, because we have over 600 books in our classroom-seriously, I stopped counting when I reached 600-and I have not read every one.  I was trying to control my freak out since who knows what word he found in what book.]

J: It's right here, in this poem.

Me: [looking] Where?

J: [emphatically pointing] Right here!

Are you wondering what the bad word was?  Are you on the edge of your seat?  Have you made a prediction?  The word was.................................................................gay.

Seriously.

He was freaking out.

Over the bad word.

Gay.

The gist of the poem from what I quickly skimmed was about an elephant who played with friends, lived in the jungle, what they did for fun, and that their life was carefree and gay (i.e. happy--it was an old poem)

Now at this point I have about .003 seconds to decide what to do.  How to handle this, how to address this, what exactly he will understand, my legal limit of explanation, and then I said to myself, "Self, fook it and do what is right."

So I did.  I fooked it and did what was right.  J and I had a very long talk about how in the poem it means happy, origin of word meanings, other places it is used (Flintstones intro, Christmas songs), how word meanings have changed over time, now it's a synonym for homosexual, etc.  Here are bits and pieces of our conversation.

Me: Gay is not a bad word.

J: It's not?

Me: Nope.  It's not.

J: [hesistating] But then, how come people say it like they're mad?  Like it's something really bad?

Me: Well, it's like when a bully yells "freckle-face!" or "four-eyes!"  It's not a bad thing someone has freckles or glasses, it's just a fact.

J: Oh.  Ok.  [pondering]  Someone should tell them it's not a bad word, they might hurt someone's feelings.  Cuz I know it hurts A's feelings when people say four-eyes, and his glasses are nice.  It would hurt my feelings too, cuz I like my freckles.  I can't change I have freckles and it's mean it tease people.

(How much more do you love this kid!!!!)

At one point another child, T, who was sitting nearby joined us for our little impromptu PSA conversation.

T: Hey!  I read that poem too!  I thought they just forgot the r.

Me: [totally lost] The r?

T:  Yeah, that the elephant was gray.  

So today, my job actually mattered.  I made a positive impact on society, helped to mold the future of our country, and hopefully, aided in the progressive change of understanding and acceptance of all.

As every good PSA should end....the more you know  :-)

Conflicted Feelings

Ok, so I've been having some conflicted feelings lately about my blog.  No worries, I'm not going anywhere, I've got too much to say to leave y'all!  But I have been feeling rather conflicted about the direction that it may be taking.  

Here's where I'm stuck.  My blog started as an outlet to my gay life in the conservative south where I was the only homo in my group of straight friends.  It's  definitely morphed since then, which is a good thing, because it reflects the life that I lead, the passions I have, and the reality of what is happening around me.  I've begun to feel conflicted because for a while I have been politically quiet, yet active.  If that's not an oxymoron, I don't know what is...what I mean is that I have been active and informed in local politics, but have never been very vocal...until now.  I don't know if it's the passing of Prop 8, 102, and 2 that did it....but I won't be quiet anymore.  I don't want it to take over my blog, but I feel if I am to give y'all an accurate reflection of my life and who I am, I need to share these things with you, because as you all know, that's how I roll.  So, very long winded way of saying...I don't know the direction of this blog, which, I guess is a good thing...right?

Anyhoo, just wanted to share what has been going on in my head and in my heart...thanks for listening (or more accurately reading) to my ramble.

Here is a poem I wrote today after talking with a friend about the revolution we are witnessing and that is taking form around the country.

Don't forget to vote on the side!

My people [that would be those of you reading this now], I put a poll link on the right...don't forget to vote for what you think the title should be below (remember, your vote counts...even if it is just related to my little blog...)  Only two of you have voted so far...I know who you are!!! :-)

Homo says No'mo holidays out of season

I really wanted to use the title "Are you kidding me???" but I've already used "R U Kidding?" in a previous post about the ridiculousness of text language being spoken and the I thought I could title it "Seriously???" but that has been used, so has "For Effin Serious People. For. Effin. Serious".  Which basically tells me that I need to work on my descriptive language...so, by default I've titled this post You decide and I'll change it....because if you decide on a title and I think it's good, I'll change it to that...kinda like the choose your own adventure books...but not...

Wow, very long intro, anyhoo...here is the scene/story...you decide on a title...

I was in the car driving home from church this morning (like the good little Christian I am) and on the radio I hear....wait for it....wait for it.....the twelve days of Christmas.  I'll give you a moment to process that.            Moment over.  What the hell???????  (ooo, maybe that should be the title?)  Now, I have nothing against the song, but I do have a MAJOR issue when it is being played on November 16...that's just wrong.  I love Christmas, it's my favorite holiday following Groundhog Day (yes, I am completely serious) but I have a HUGE problem celebrating holidays out of order.  It wigs me out to see Christmas decorations next to Halloween ones, and to hear Christmas songs before Thanksgiving...it's just wrong.  Wrong I tell you!  Wrong!  On the plus side, I got an e-mail from a friend recommending a shirt for me to wear home.  (Side note: I own no gay paraphernalia.  No pride necklaces, no "Lez be friends" shirts.  None of that...generally I think it is corny, but that's just me.)  I busted apart laughing and decided right then and there I was wearing this at Christmastime at my parents' house.

I know, I know, you are dying to see it....wait no longer peoples....here you go:

How awesome is that!  I guess it would help to tell you that my mom has like a million (okay 35ish) holiday sweaters that she wears during the season.  I can already tell you what the reaction will be from each of the rents...Mom--laughter, "That's awesome!"  Dad--shake head, deep sigh, "Really kid?" (while deep down inside I know he thinks it's awesome too)  I'm stoked...thoughts/opinions/title/etc.?

Raleigh Protest Summary

I am rarely at a loss for words.  If you have been following my blog for any amount of time, this is pretty evident by my lengthy posts.  Today however is different.  All I can say about today is wow.

Now that I've taken some time to process, reflect and put together what I want to post, here is my perspective on the Join the Impact Protest from Raleigh, NC. on Saturday, November 15, 2008.  I will preface that this is going to be a long post...so don't say I didn't warn you....

I arrived in Raleigh at around 1:00 and searched around for a parking space for what seemed like forever until I found a visitor parking deck that was open and not requiring payment (woot woot!) and was near the protest location.  This was an extra bonus point, since I'm not familiar with Raleigh and would have never found the place on my own...not that I needed to, there were droves of people walking in the same direction and I just followed the pack.  Here is a picture of what the area looked like around 1:30:

Honestly, the picture doesn't really do the scene justice....there were 1,400 people there....yeah....again why I needed some time to get past "wow."  Notice the nice blue sky with the white puffy clouds....As the speakers were getting started the sky went from friendly blue to.....

and then the rain came....and came....and came...and I really thought people would leave.  But they didn't.  And then I thought they would stop the speaker (who p.s. didn't have on a rain coat and said, "Don't worry about it, I'm fine" when one of the guys who organized it stepped on stage to hold an umbrella over his head.  How bad ass is that???) But they didn't.  They just kept talking and we just kept standing and clapping and cheering and getting wet.  And they I thought they would cancel the march.  But they didn't.  And then I thought to myself, "Self, this place will clear out when we get ready to march and it will be like 12 of us soaked on the sidewalk."  Did the people leave?  Did they say "I'm down with protesting, but I'm not down with getting wet?"  No they didn't!  Check this out y'all!

Now I didn't realize how many people were there until I walked down the steps from the lawn to get to the sidewalk and there was people everywhere.  We shared umbrellas (and then just gave in to being soaked) and shared the moment of knowing we were part of something big.  It literally gave me chills to hear from the front to the back "What do we want? EQUALITY! When do we want it? NOW!"  Over and over and over, cars honking, people giving us thumbs up, and an energy that said, "We are united, we are pissed, and we aren't going anywhere.  North Carolina, listen up, pay attention and you better get ready for a revolution because we are."  Then we got the governor's mansion and stood outside the gates chanting, when someone hoisted a PRIDE flag onto the flagpole.  There was an audible gasp, as I'm still not sure how they did it since the flagpole was inside the gates...and we were outside the gates, but the gasp turned into cheers turned into chanting "Yes we can! Yes we can!" and "Gay, straight, black, white, marriage is a civil right!" and back to the staple of "What do we want? EQUALITY! When do we want it? NOW!"  By the time we got back to the starting point the sky was now like this:

All in all, not a bad way to end the day...the only thing that would have made it better was if there was a bad ass rainbow in the sky...but you can't have it all...or can you? :-)

Last I leave you with some pictures of signs and posters people had...there were a lot more, but unfortunately I couldn't take as many pictures as I wanted because of the rain, and because of the crowd (I'm short....heads got in the way).

Now it's your turn.  If you were at a protest today, put a link to your blog/vlog/website/etc. in the comment section and let me know about it.  I leave you with a quote from Ghandi that one of our speakers used today which pretty much sums it all up: First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.  

We will win...we will win.

Funniest kid story EVER

Funniest kid story EVER...and not it's not about J (sorry to disappoint y'all)

So my kids were playing "Silent Ball" in the classroom today since we couldn't go out due to inclement weather (i.e. rain).  It's like their all time favorite game, and I don't mind it too much because they have to be silent and I can get some work done.  

Here's the scene: I'm sitting at the side table tracing in black marker over a turkey feather worksheet thing we are going to turn into mini book reports for the wall.

Little B (hereby known as LB-who side note is not a native English speaker, so I wrote it as he talks to me) plops down next to me: What are you a doing Miss _____?

Me: Tracing this for next week.  What are you doing?

LB: Watching.

[silence for about 3 minutes while he seriously watched me trace black outlines]

LB: Hey Miss _____, is this for the Thanksgiving?

Me: Well it's for Monday, but it's themed for Thanksgiving.

LB: Oh.  (pause) Okay [side note, he has no idea what "themed for Thanksgiving means"] I like it.

Me: Thank you B.

LB: What is you do for Thanksgiving?  You go to have food?  You parents eat too?  In a home?

Me: No, they are too far away.  I'm going to have dinner with friends.

LB: Friends?

Me: Yes, I'm going to have dinner with my friends here.  Everyone is bringing one food to share and we will have dinner together, like a family.

LB: [eyes big as saucers and excited voice] Friends!  You have friends Miss ____!  Whoa!

Me: Huh?

LB: I didn't know!  What do you friend do?  What do they live?

[end scene] 

Now at this point I am trying to not pee my pants laughing at this kid who all of a sudden realized that their teacher is a real person, with a real life, and real (believe it or not) friends.  How hilarious is that!  Oh peoples, it gets better.  

[pick the scene up a few minutes later when he calls over his friend T]

LB: Did you know Miss ___ has friends?  Here!  She eat wift them for Turkey!  Why you laugh Miss ___?

Me: (still trying to breathe and not pee) I...I'm.....sorry B...I'm not laughing at you....honest

T: She's laughing cuz you didn't think she had friends.  Of course she has friends, she has a life.

LB: (quoting a class phrase) Oh, yes...."Miss ____ has a life too" wift her friends!

[end scene]

Now y'all know that little boy when home and told his mamma and daddy that Miss ____ has friends, and it will get lost in translation, and they will think I am even weirder than I am...oh the joys of little children....never a dull moment.

I want it all

This is probably like the worst post to follow up after "I'm such a girl" but it happened yesterday and y'all know how I roll...it happens, I share, you enjoy and comment.  So yeah, here we go.

My roommate and I have been living together for about six years now (co-dependent anyone?) and we have often talked about marriage (not to each other, she is straight and for the record not my type), family, what we want out of life, etc. and in the six years of our friendship here have been our generalized identities in regards to family:

Her desires: rent a place and live in a city, get married, have kids, move out of the city 

My desires:  be single, no children, own my own home and be completely independent

Very different in lots of ways, however in the last year or so we have pretty much reversed, which is f.r.e.a.k.y.  She has zero desire for marrying her long-term boyfriend and wants to raise no children while I want to have it all and it is freaking me out.

Here is what I want...and no laughing (seriously), because I know...I know....

I want a wife to come home to, children to tuck in at night that look like my wife, a dog, a nice house in a good neighborhood where my children can play in the fenced in backyard and get a good education, and a stable job where I can pay my bills and still have money in the savings account...I want it all

I have 3 out of the 5 and for a while that was enough...I mean I bought my 3 bedroom 2 bath house the other year with a future family in mind.  But now I can feel the desire growing inside more and more and I want it all....is that too much to ask?

I'm such a girl

Y'all....I am such a girl.  I don't make this statement very often, and while yes, I do recognize that I am a girl, and people always assume I'm straight, I usually don't feel exceptionally girlie (if that makes any sense at all, please let me know...I only rewrote it about a billion [okay eight] times trying to make it coherent but I'm not sure it helped).  Today however is a very different story.  Monday night I called CLF and asked her out for dinner on Friday (Yay me for keeping the pair I grew on Friday!), came up with an activity, made reservations, etc. and then I realized....I have nothing to wear.  (Cue embarrassed red face and shaking head in shame)  I mean honestly, you should totally laugh at that statement.  SOOOOOO, today on my day off I went shopping.  Here is what I bought: new silver earrings and two sweaters-one dark teal and one burgandy.  Why two sweaters you ask?  (Raise your hand if you know the answer without looking!)  

Because I'm not sure which one I'm going to want to wear.

Really people??? Really???  I'm the chick that packs 1 pair of jeans and 4 T-shirts for a week long trip and here I am buying two sweaters for one date.  I am such a girl....

NO EXCUSES

Whatever your plans for Saturday, November 15, 2008 are, cancel them.  I don't care what they are, how long they have been planned, you NEED to reschedule or cancel.  No excuses.  There is a nationwide protest being held throughout the country to protest the passing of Proposition 8 of California, Amendment 2 of Florida and Amendment 102 of Arizona.  Here is the link to find your protest location http://www.jointheimpact.com .  If you think this doesn't affect you because you don't live in one of those three states, think again.  Why will other states try to fight for equal rights for all people when the "popular" vote states otherwise?  (I put popular in quotes because Prop.8 only passed by 400,000 votes...again another case where your vote actually does matter.)  

If you fall anywhere in the queer spectrum you HAVE to be at a protest, you just have to.  It's not an issue, it's the issue.  It's bigger than marriage, it's bigger than California, it's bigger than religion...it's openly allowing the majority to determine the civil liberties of the minority, and it's wrong.  

If you are a straight ally, you HAVE to be a protest.  We need you, we need your visibility, we need your solidarity to our community, we need you to speak to other straight people about how me gaining the same rights doesn't somehow negate your rights.  We need the community to come together across the nation, stop being okay with being tolerated, and demand to be respected as equals.  We're not asking to be treated special, we're demanding to be treated the same.  

You have one week to reschedule your plans for Saturday and drive your gay ass to a protest.  No excuses.  It's my nephew's first birthday.  Trust me, he won't remember you weren't there.  It's my best friend's baby shower.  Send a second gift.  It's my parents' 50th wedding anniversary, we've been planning it for 2 years.  Well, if they don't understand why you aren't there then they probably don't understand you.  It's a 3 1/2 hour drive, have you seen the cost of gas lately?  If that's your excuse you must be content being a second class citizen...and don't even think of bitching when you have no legal grounds with the person you love.  

Tell everyone you know, be there, be proud, stand your ground and don't act a damn fool.  We need to be seen and heard, and we need to do it with decorum, because if we don't the media will have a hay-day and we will not get anywhere.  Take pictures, take video, upload and show your solidarity to the community.

I leave you with Declaration of Guilt by Pastor Martin Niemoller (October 1945):

In Germany, the Nazis first came for the Communists,

And I did not speak up

Because I was not a Communist.

Then they came for the Jews,

And I did not speak up

because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists,

And I did not speak up

Because I was not a Trade Unionists.

Then they came for the Catholics,

And I was a Protestant

So I did not speak up.

Then they came for ME...

By that time

There was no one to speak up for anyone.

To make sure this doesn't happen again, the injustice

To anyone

Anywhere

Must be the concern of

Everyone

Everywhere.

There.  I am off of my soapbox...but I'm carrying it with me on Saturday.

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."--Edmund Burke.

Putting it on record

I just want to start by saying on record, "This is a bad idea.  Nothing good can come from this, and I am fully acknowledging the bad idea that this is."  There, I've said it.  Moving on....or rather moving backwards to tell you the story that has lead up to this preemptive statement.

Last Friday (Halloween) I rolled up to the local gay bar (a.k.a. The Bar, because really, where else do I go?) and the place was hopping.  I mean really hopping.  I found my crew and was chilling with them at our tables when I saw this girl sitting nearby who I have never seen there before.  [Side note: Now, I have zero gaydar...I mean zero....and have stopped hitting on women because I am 3 for 3 in finding the only straight girl at the bar who is there with their gay friend/family member and hitting on her...seriously.  I've given up, and if you are interested in me you need to get your gay ass up and come talk to me, because if I'm into you, you are probably straight.  So, yeah...]  Anyway, I see Cutie Little Femme (hereby known as CLF) and based on my track record assume she is straight.  Well my good friend S, notices her checking me out and as a great wingman should, introduces herself, opens the door and walks away.  Realizing she is in the community I go for it, because seriously people, CLF is my type to a T.  I mean from the hair color, to the style, everything....and I'm thinking, S just became an even more awesome friend and I need to hook her up with someone later.  As the night goes on I am macking on this girl something fierce and she is throwing it right back....and then out of curiosity I asked how old she was.....wait for it people......wait for it......eighteen.   WTF???  She did not look eighteen, act eighteen, or anything.  Me being me, I instantly hit the breaks because that is a BIG age difference.  S notices this and asks what's up, I explain and she feel awful because she opened the door.  (Side note: everyone thought she was around 22...S, R, A, me, D...everyone....)  I'm internally freaking out, feeling like a predator, but I cannot shake this girl....I mean, she would smile and I was drawn right back in like a moth to a flame.....then I would hear the voice of reasoning in my head, distance myself again, only to find myself drawn back in.  Everything inside of me wanted to get her number but the voice of reasoning held out because again, she is eighteen.

Pick back up last night at the drag king show at The Bar (which by the way was AWESOME!) and CLF shows up (yes, I was hoping she would) and she comes by, says hi, etc. and then goes off to talk with some other people she had met the other weekend.  I'm not an idiot (although this situation may sway your vote otherwise) and I can see her checking me out and smiling from across the room during the night.  Towards the end of the night she asks me to dance, we talk some more, I'm getting ready to head out and saying my goodbyes to my people.  I go over to her to say goodnight, good to see you again, drive safe, etc. ....then I decided I should grow a pair.  Yes people, I asked for her number....her face lit up, and we exchanged digits.  

Again, I would like to go on record as the first person saying, "This is a bad idea.  Nothing good can come from this, and I am fully acknowledging the bad idea that this is."  

And I don't care.

Jumping on the bandwagon

Yes, I too am jumping on the election bandwagon today...but there are just a couple of funny/scary stories that I feel I need to share with the world.  (Side note: I voted early because I knew I wouldn't have time to get to the polls today...just in case you were wondering if I was bitching but didn't actually do anything...yes, I did my civic duty, so yes, I can bitch.)

Story #1

I was in the cafeteria today and was talking with a co-worker named H while I was heating up my lunch in the microwave.  We were talking about voting, voting early, etc. and she made this statement, "If it is still raining when I leave here, I am not going to vote.  Or if the line is really long, it's just not worth it."  I shit you not people, she really said this.  It took EVERYTHING inside of me to control my face and keep my big mouth shut....but seriously?  Seriously????  If she was a democrat I would have pitched a fit, but she's a staunch republican, so she can keep her vote to herself, I'm just saying...  All I could think was, "you are not going to vote and I know you will bitch, moan and groan about something in the next 4 years, and about the countless local elections."  It was one of those moments where I realized that people really have forgotten what happened in Florida 8 years ago.

Story #2

We had the students vote by secret ballot to see who they would elect if their votes counted and the results were interesting to say the least.  My co-worker R's classroom unanimously voted for McCain with the exception of 5 students...where as my class was split 14 to 10.  At the end of the day she was racing to leave because as she eloquently put it, "I have to go cancel out her vote before the polls close!"  This just cracked me up since really, isn't that what makes a democracy great?

Story #3

We also had the students write about what they would do if they were the president.  Top 3 funniest [No, I didn't just suddenly decide to ignore the spell check icon.  This is what the students actually wrote down on their papers, spelling errors and all.] 

1) One boy had a very long message, but what made it awesome was at the bottom he put My name is ____ and I oppoved this massage.

2) If I wus the president I would make sure the zooz keeped all the animals loked up or thay will ate us for a snak and that wood be bad for the ekonome.

3)If I was the president I would banned you if you waz mean.  Don't be a bully or yous will be banned from the town, state and cuntry.  I will ban you and you will be bannned for life.  I also will banned tobacco, alkohal, and druks.  If you do these things you will be banned.  ____ for President! <-- I put that bekus I'm xcitit.

Honestly, I think these kids might be awesome as a president....and yes, in case you were wondering, J is kid number 3....how much more do you love him!

Changed my costume

Quick post to update y'all.  I changed my costume from pirate to something WAY more awesome.  Here is what I am wearing out tonight.  A sticker that says, "Hello, my name is Alec."  and a small report card with all A+'s on it.....what am I people....come on, guess......think REAL hard..... I am (drumroll please) a smart Alec.  Get it?  Well, I think I am hi-larious (even if you don't) and even better that I thought of it today when I was getting dressed in my Harriet the Spy costume (which also was awesome).  Anyhoo...have a safe and happy Halloween!

For Serious People. For. Effin. Serious.

For serious people.  For. Effin. Serious.  This week could not be any crazier.  Scratch that, change crazy to more difficult.  This week could not be any more difficult.  What's going on you ask?  Why would I label this post "For Serious People.  For.  Effin.  Serious"?  Well faithful (first-time and infrequent) readers, here is a breakdown of the end of last week/this week in review/preview.

Starting last week:

[Crucial background: already have Bronchitis for the second time in two months and am on z-pack]

Thurs.-Small annoying bump on my eyebrow...no big deal

Fri.-Painful, slightly larger annoying bump on my eyebrow...mild headache...not a huge deal

Sat.-Top eyelid swollen, face slightly tingly around eye...can't move eyebrows...moderate headache...slight deal...considering this may be an actual issue to have looked at...too prideful to go acute care since I was just there for Bronchitis last week

Sun.-Top eyelid swollen, bottom eyelid swollen, face really tingly down to bottom of cheek...can't move 1/2 of face...major headache...huge deal...go to urgent care...emergency blood work, shot of penicillin, lost 2 hours of my life to be told I need to go to the opthamologist tomorrow...spend 2 more hours calling 44 people to find a substitute for Monday

Mon.-Call out of work...nervous about substitute who has never been to our school...go to opthamologist...spider bite on face...more antibiotics...head still hurts...

majorly...told to continue taking aspirin for headache...aspirin not working...taking Naproxen instead...face still swollen...sleep all day

Tues.-Teacher Workday...spend all day cleaning classroom and parent conferences...write substitute's name down for future use because kids behaved (my students eat substitutes alive like the spider ate my face)...mild headache...face slightly puffy...still can't move eyebrows...can move puffy face

Wed.-Major writing test at work, annoying pointless meeting for 2 1/2 hours after work...all major assessments due today...maybe buy Halloween costume if it's not too late after pointless meeting...considering being a pirate given the current state of my face...thoughts?  suggestions? opinions?

Thurs.-1/2 day...another opthamologist appointment to check eye again after school...buy Halloween costume (if not done Wednesday)...give dog a bath...he stinks...really really stinks

Fri.-Halloween...scary hair day for children...dress like your favorite book character for teachers (thinking of being Harriet the Spy...wear my glasses, jeans and a hoodie...I can do that)...give out candy...go to gay bar for Halloween party later that night

Sat.-Friend coming in to town...buy leaf blower/sucker-upper for yard...use leaf blower/sucker-upper on yard

Yeah...so...difficult week...I swear this week if it's not one thing it's another...can November just get here already so I can start a new month...October has pretty much sucked all around and I want to start anew...

P.S.-Sorry for the excessive use of periods of ellipsis and poor grammatical choices....actually I'm not sorry but I feel compelled to add this in at the end as a disclaimer that I know it had a lot of both.  If I've just lost you, periods of ellipsis are colloquially known as dot dot dot...colloquially...[crickets] hey, have you seen my week?  I needed a laugh at the end.  For those of you who are still lost see the second half my post "Petty or Valid" for context to colloquially.

Bronchitis...Again

Bronchitis is kicking my ass...again.  I just had this 2 months ago, and I NEVER, I mean NEVER get bronchitis.  Currently though, it is throughly ahead in the ass kicking department.  Hopefully the antibiotics will help and I will be back to my normal, ranting, cynical self very soon. Let me just tell you about what happened yesterday.  So I went to the clinic because I was 99.99999% sure I had bronchitis again and needed to get a prescription.  I got there at around 4:30 and the place was packed, I mean packed.  I was going to begrudgingly stick it out until I read the neon orange sign on the receptionist's desk: All persons being treated after 5:00 will be charged a $25.00 fee in addition to all co-payments.  SERIOUSLY?????? WTF???? They are open until 7:00, but if you are seen after 5:00 you get screwed?  Naturally I peaced out of there and decided to suffer for an additional day.  Please explain to me where it makes logical sense to charge a ridiculous fee during your normal operating hours.

In other fun news: the cute teacher down the hall said my sick bronchitis voice was, "all deep and sexy." While another one said, "Eww, sick man voice."  I think I'm going with the cute teacher's opinion....just saying...

I hurt myself at work today :-(

I can't believe I am telling you this, but alas I must have absolutely no pride left, and well it is a good story.  (Side note: I may have shared this already, if I have I'm sorry but it's worth repeating.  I have a theory that you should only do things for one of two reasons-#1 A free t-shirt  #2 A kick-ass story.  If you don't get either one of them, you really need to reevaluate.)  Anyway, back on track.  Today I hurt myself at work.  My knee is currently all bandaged up with an ice pack and I am propped up on pillows on the couch.  What happened you ask?  How did I inflict this horrible injury?  [insert taking a brave deep breath] Walking people, I hurt myself walking.  Honest, and yes, you may laugh at me and leave snarky comments if you feel moved to do so.  I'm a big girl, I can take it.  Speaking of taking (like the segway?),  I was taking the kids to the bus area and while I was walking them all of a sudden my knee felt all weak and achey.  By the time car duty had ended and I was walking (or rather limping) to the office it was hurting like a mo-fo.  Here's the real issue, I'm pissed.  Not that I hurt myself (which is annoying don't get me wrong), but that I hurt myself walking in sneakers...it wasn't like I was even wearing heels or anything that would add instability to my gait.  No people, I was wearing sneakers and hurt myself walking, walking.  [If you stop reading my blog after this embarrassing post I will completely understand.]  Later tonight while I was resting my sports injury (do you like the spin control?)  I was talking with my friend S who was trying to cheer me up and she quickly reminded me this would not have happened if I walked right foot, left foot (I always walk left foot, right foot which she thinks is weird.  Readers, which foot do you start with when you are walking?  I'm just curious if there is anyone out there in my camp.)  So yeah, I hurt myself walking...walking people...walking.  Seriously, I thought I mastered this around 10 months old?  Apparently not.

R U Kidding???

First I need to start with SERIOUSLY????  Here is the scene on the playground today with a crew of little girls jump roping:

Girl 1-Ready?

Girl 2-Almost, let me tie my shoe.

Girl 1-Ok. (twirls rope over)

Girl 2-OMG, I said I'm not ready yet!

[end scene]

OMG??? WTF??? R U kidding me??? When did children start speaking in text message code??? I think as a society we have reached a new low.  I'm not judging (well, yes, I am but it's justified), I'm just saying....

Stumble and fall (again)

So, confession time...I have stumbled and fallen (again) and really, one day I hope (and pray) I will get it right.  There is this co-worker of mine, who for lack of a better phrase pisses me off.  Other colloquial choices: grates my nerves, pushes my buttons, churns my butter.  It's not just me, honest, other people are irritated by her as well.  She is on my list of people who I truly do not like, and for the record, that's a very very very short list.  You may be thinking TSD, this is rather harsh, can we have some reasons on why you despise her so much?  Why thank you for asking faithful (or infrequent or first time) readers, I will gladly (and maybe too eagerly?) justify my stance in the following numerical order:

1-She's condescending (side note you don't really need to keep reading this list, everything else from 2-10 fall under this umbrella)

2-She's got a stick shoved up her ass

3-She's my co-worker not my boss, yet talks to me like I have to listen to her

4-She acts like she's God's personal gift to education

5-She changes her stances on "best educational practices" from year to year

6-She acts like she has always known said practices

7-She tells us we are doing our jobs incorrectly for following previously said practices from two years ago while we (insert condescending tone of voice) should be doing the "new" ones 

8-She's an idiot with a sh*tload of theory and no personal classroom of students to deal with on a daily basis

9-She hates her job because she didn't get the fancy-pants promotion she applied for last year and is taking it out on us

10-Did I mention she's a condescending bitch who when we do something different are talked down to and criticized for not following "research", then when she mentions a "new best practice that research shows..." (which by the way we WERE doing but got in trouble for so we stopped) it's as if she is the only one who knows anything about anything in education and we are a bunch of tools who perplex her in how we ever got degrees in the first place.

OH OH OH #11-She made the cute teacher I have a crush on cry...that's right people...cry...don't do that...GRRRR

Now that I have given you my personal (abet biased) stance on why I can't stand this woman, let me explain the entire reason for my post.  (insert deep sigh) My pastor was talking about love and the church on Sunday [can you see where this is going] and how we are to love people when they are unlovable as God first loved us before we loved him.  Our church has grown from around 200 to over 350 in the last year, and a lot of that has to do with how we genuinely love people when they come (and no it's not that fakey churchy love where everyone hugs you but doesn't actually care at all what you say, it's the genuine hand-shake glad you are here, welcome, get some coffee, not-overbearing kind of place).  There is no agenda to loving people, whether or not they are a member and come every week or only come once, we just want them to know that they matter to us because they matter to God.  [Ok, done being all preachy and sermon like, sorry I'm a former missionary I can't help it sometimes.]  AGAIN, GRRRRRR.  I do not, repeat, do not want to love this woman, I want to punch her in her I-know-so-much-more-and-am better-than-you condescending face.  I want to call her out on her bullsh*t and laugh when she looks like a tool.  I do not, under any circumstances, want to be kind to her, help her, be friends with her, talk to her, breathe the same air as her, or love her....again, I want to punch. her. in. the. face.  (Honestly people, I am not a violent person, and I'm generally a very even tempered go-with-the-flow kind of gal, but she gets under my nerves like a splinter under my pinky toe).  So yes, I have stumbled and fallen (again) and I will try (well, at least I won't actively try to be a bitch back...it's a starting place right?) to love her.  Honest.

Slight Exaggeration

Yes, this post is a slight exaggeration...but go with me on it.  Some of my co-workers are doing this health-kick challenge thing to loose weight and get healthy.  I however have not jumped on the bandwagon.  I did look at my personal diet and discovered that my diet is slightly imbalanced.   Now I do have other things in my diet as well but these are the main five.  My question to you readers is if you're being honest, what does your personal food pyramid look like?

Big Birthday

Nope, it's not my birthday.  Nor is it any of my peers' birthday.  It was little J's birthday. (Quick refresher for the faithful readers-J loves class, bit a kid on the bus, who M likes and is secretly [or not so secretly] my favorite kid in class.)  Anywho, back on track...so, it was J's seventh birthday and this little boy was just beside himself.  Not only did he turn seven, it was also his helper day.  [Side note: Unlike most of my teaching peers, I can't keep track of 23 kids having different jobs every day so one kid just does it all.  Stuff like running errands, line leader, table washer, etc.]  At the end of the day I was walking him and the other bus riders to the bus area.   

Here is the scene that unfolded:

Me-So J, tell me, how has your birthday been so far?

J-Pretty good, Miss ____.  I got free ice cream at lunch, a cool pencil, and tonight we are going to go to Celebration Station!  Plus, I have no homework 'cuz I did it all last night!

Me-Wow, that does seem pretty good.  Tomorrow morning I want to hear about your presents.

J-K.  But I think I know what I'm getting.  I tolded (yes tolded) Mommy and Daddy about the game (I can't remember the complicated video game name) I want, so I think that's what it will be.  Don't worry, I'll let you know.

Me-Good deal.  So J, tell me...do you feel older?  I mean, yesterday you were only six, but now you're seven.  Do you feel seven?

J-[long pondering pause] Well, I DEFINITELY feel older, but I don't feel seven.

Me-Explain.

J-I...I guess I feel more like twenty-six.  I mean, It's been a big day.

Me-Twenty-six?  Really?

J-Yeah.  I had lots of responsibilities today.  (Counting on fingers) I had to take notes to the office, be the line leader, pick friends to sit with me and Mommy at lunch, pass out cupcakes, take another note to Mrs. ____ classroom.  Then I had to be the judge in silent ball.  I mean, that's a lot of responsibility for just seven, that's why I feel twenty-six today.  Op, there's my bus, see-ya Miss _____!

Me-(Trying to hold in the laugher until he walked away) Bye, J...see you tomorrow morning!

[end scene]

If only that was the responsibility level of being twenty-six.  Here's hoping J's philosophy  comes true in the next year....