Time to straighten up

No it's not what you're thinking, I'm not going back to a heterosexual relationship...ever again.   Side note: how awesome was it when you realized that not everyone was completely miserable, and that you not doomed to a life of mediocre relationships with men, you're just a big gay!

Ok, on to the real story-I always forget about how I dress in the summer and the weekends until the other day when I was at work setting up my classroom.  Here's the scene: me in my room unpacking a box wearing a navy blue Hanes t-shirt, gray boys workout shorts (the same shirt/shorts that caused the whole I'm-not-buying-for-my-son-but-are-for-me incident at Target) blue and white boys Adidas and my hair up in a ponytail.  As my co-worker walked in my room to say hi, welcome back, etc.  she stops short and says, "Hi, how was your summ...wow, you look really...um...sporty...yeah...sporty.  Clearly, she had to stop herself from what she actually was thinking/wanted to say which reminded me that it's time to straighten up for work.  Now don't get me wrong, I love my job and I am very happy that I chose this career, but is it weird the way I change my dress for work?  I'm not talking about wearing "professional" clothes and "casual" clothes, I'm talking about how I purposely think to myself, "hmmm...this looks straight enough."  It's no secret that physically I fly under the gaydar-radar at work but I consciously think about what I wear (or don't wear) during the week.  So while it may be time for me to unwillingly straighten up for work, you can bet that I'll still Dyke-it-out at the bars/clubs. 

Speaking of bars/clubs I went to a new-to-me bar last night and it was awesome.  I mean two birthdays, a wet t-shirt contest, pretty girls...it doesn't get much better.  Anyway, is it me or are the women at gay bars way more welcoming/inviting to new people compared to straight bars?  When I meet up with my straight friends at a straight bar, if I get there first very few (if any) people come and introduce themselves, or ask if you are there alone without an agenda.  Totally different at the gay bars.  Within 5 minutes of sitting at the bar I had a conversation with a woman who introduced herself with the statement, "I haven't seen you here before, is this your first time here?" introduced me to her girlfriend and friends, invited to hang out for the evening and welcomed into the group.  Maybe it's because we all have been in that situation, or because the community here is so small, either way-even though it can be difficult at work with the judgement of others, I'm totally glad I'm gay!

Seriously announcers?

So last night I got sucked into watching the Olympic opening ceremony.  Several comments I have about it-there were 15,000 performers, that's more people performing in the opening ceremony than there are actual athletes competing...anyone else find this a little strange?  I'm not opposed to this, I just find in a little weird that the performers WAY outnumbered the participants.  

Now for my real gripe, it's not with the olympics, but with the US announcers.  I was embarrassed for them (and our country who they represented), and hoped that no other countries could hear the ethnocentric and narrow-mined announcers who were representing the US with their hellacious commentary.  At the beginning they were doing the usual informational stuff: the temperature, number of people in the stadium, etc.  Then they stated that everything will be said in three languages, English, French and Chinese.  Um, news-flash people...Chinese isn't a language...shouldn't you know this?  The announcements were spoken in English, French and Standard Mandarin.  Anyone who has ever taken a world cultures class, global history class, or has any knowledge of the most populated country in the world knows that the most common language spoken there is Mandarin, followed by Cantonese and Wu...can't the US find announcers who won't embarrass us on a global scale?  It's bad enough when our president opens his big mouth, we don't need any help from sports announcers.  Just because it's the name of a country, doesn't mean that's what their language is called-especially in a country with 8 official languages. 

AND, could they have been any more ignorant about the costumes from different countries? I mean, personally, I didn't understand the design on the Hungarian dresses, but I would NEVER make negative remarks on national television.  As someone who lived in Africa for a while, I was APPALLED at how they made comments about some of the smaller countries who wore traditional outfits out of national or cultural pride.  I was infuriated at the statement (paraphrasing here), "They may not be the most represented country, but they definitely are getting noticed with those costumes. [insert judgemental laughter]"  The entire purpose is to create a global community and sense of unity...not to degrade other countries, their cultural customs and traditions.  Way to go announcers, continue to increase the negative stereotype that the Americans are intolerant and ethnocentric-if it's not our way it's not different it's wrong. 

Mistaken for a Whore

So I went to Target (my favorite place!) to buy some new workout shorts and t-shirts because well mine have gotten gross and need to be replaced.  I'm fairly petite and have a hard time finding stuff to work out in that fits comfortably (i.e. isn't super short/tight) which usually leads me to the boys section.  I'm all about this because boy shorts are $3.99 and women's are $8.99, on a teacher's budget this is AWESOME!  I grabbed two pairs of size large cotton knee-length shorts (one gray, one navy blue) and a couple of size large plain colored cotton t-shirts...I mean they're for working out, hiking in the woods, yard work, etc. nothing that requires anything fancy.  All is going well in my favorite store until I get to the checkout line.  This lady behind me with her teenage son says nostalgically, "I remember when it was that easy to shop for him."  I respond something along the lines of, "Yeah, one benefit of being petite is really inexpensive workout gear."  Her shocked and appalled response, "OH, they're for YOU...I thought they were for your son!"  Ok, now people, I have been mistaken for many things...but NEVER have I been mistaken for someone who could have a son around age 12....being 25 it would mean that I had a kid at 13...seriously?  I get carded at places that are 18 and older....first time for everything...mistaken for a whore...who would have thought...

I'm an addict...and it's okay

So last night the puppy and I were at home and he was being his usual spastic self in a never ending game of catch...also known in our house as "where is it?"  since he inevitably looses the ball in the middle of the living room, or under the table, or while he has it in his mouth prompting me to ask him, "Where is it?" and watch while he runs in circles trying to find the "missing" or "hidden" neon tennis ball.    Anyway, in the middle of the game I grabbed my camera and started recording, put in in iMovie, added a title, music, transitions, credits, and then e-mailed the finished version to my parents who are missing their lovable mess of a grand-puppy (but not his endless shedding.)  So now it's official...I'm addicted to iMovie...and I'm okay with it.   WOW, long background to a very short story...sorry about that.  If you made it to the end of this entry and are seriously disappointed...well, there's nothing I can do about that but offer my sincerest apologies and promise a better story soon.

Which comes first?

So a couple of months ago I went to the local pet adoption center to "look" and left with a twenty pound lovable mess of fur and constant wagging tail.  I was watching him eat the other day and grabbed my camera (why I was in a hurry I don't know, it's the same routine every day) because seriously, he doesn't come up for air the entire time he eats.  Not abnormal for a dog, but I too LOVE to eat (you wouldn't know it by my 100 pound 5'3" frame) and inhale my food not stopping for anything.  Which got me thinking....was I drawn to him because he acts like me?  Or does he act like me because I'm his primary caretaker?  I've heard of people looking like their pets over time, but not acting like them.  I'm totally fine about him acting like me because well, I may be biased but I think I'm pretty awesome.  What concerns me is if it's the other way around, I mean he's lovable and all...but dumb as a rock...seriously.  Case and point, he "lost" his ball in the middle of the EMPTY living room and couldn't find it until my roommate threw her arm like she had the ball in the direction where his ball actually was.  Um, yeah...my dumb dog actually believed the empty hand throw, found his "missing" ball and excitedly brought it back.  Slightly concerned that if it's reversed, I too might become dumb as a rock...just sayin...

Anyone with odd pet behavior or funny stories feel free to post a comment below!

Straight People Magnet

Ok, so Friday night I went out to the local LGBT club/bar, not strange since I am an of-age single lesbian.  I guess I should add in that I went there alone (which it vital to the story) because 1) most of my friends are straight and wouldn't come with me 2)it seemed like everyone I know who would come was out of town or had plans and 3)I couldn't care less about going places alone.  I was there about 45 mins when a friendly guy (we'll call him "W") asked if I was there alone and invited me to join up with him and his friends for some games of pool.  Now clearly he had not seen me playing pool with a girl and getting it handed to me earlier.  He and his friends (mixed guys/girls single/coupled) were awesome.  They were friendly, inviting, and all around great company.  A couple hours later I'm talking with one of the girls and she mentions that she's W's wife.  Now, it does not bother me in the least that a straight married couple was at the gay bar with their very gay friends, I find it ironic that these are the people with whom I spent the evening.  Later when talking with W, he asked if I was straight/gay/bi and had assumed that I was a single straight woman who was clearly not in her element and kindly was trying to "rescue" me from feeling awkward all night (side note: love him for that.)  Later when talking to his wife, she also thought I was straight.  Now, I understand that I don't fit completely into the gay stereotypes but here's what I was wearing-make your own judgement- teal/white striped fitted polo shirt, loose jeans, brown studded belt, brown (boys) sketchers, brown wrist cuff watch, silver hoop earrings, and carrying my wallet in my back pocket.  I can only guess because I mostly hang out with straight people I've turned into a magnet for them and repel any gayness.  The worst part-until I knew that they were a straight married couple, I thought to myself, "these are my kind of people."  Seriously though, I went to the GAY club, to meet GAY people, to have some GAY friends...and I make more straight ones.  Irony...it'll bite you on the ass when you're not looking.

Homo Depot Adventure

Ok, so the other week I dragged my roommate to Home Depot to look at lighting fixtures.  I'm replacing the lighting fixtures in several rooms of my house and because we are slightly co-dependent I needed her input/approval.  Now, all was going well and fine, until I couldn't find the decorative exhaust fans.  Side note, it would be very helpful if Home Depot and Lowes got together and put the same stuff in the same places at both stores, how hard would that be?  Case and point: decorative exhaust fans at Lowes-bathroom department decorative exhaust fans at Home Depot-lighting section....wtf?  Anyway, back on track.  I was pissed because I couldn't find what I was looking for, and I refused to ask for help.  I mean it's Home Depot, or Homo Depot as I call it.  Normally I am a totally rational gal (gal? wow, where did that just come from? anyway...) who will ask for help when I can't find something right away.  I hate wasting time and if someone can immediately point me in the right direction, I'm all about it.  I can't explain it but something comes over me when I get to home repair stores or Sears (tool section only)  Maybe it's because I'm there too much or I'm way too proud to say I can't find something that I just looked at 2 weeks ago, not sure but I will wander until I find it...no matter how long it takes.  After about 20 minutes of wandering around the store, my very patient roommate had just about enough.  She looked at me, burst into frustrated laughter and said, "If you were any gayer right now, you would physically turn into a man."  At which point I got even MORE determined to find it on my own, because I mean how dare she go there?  Clearly, she and I both made mental notes NOT to go to home repair stores together again for the sake of our friendship.  Twenty MORE minutes later, I hung my head low and told her in a very frustrated and defeated voice, "FINE...you can go ask someone for help."  Homo Depot...what can I say, it brings out the dyke in me.