Thursday, September 17, 2009

I need advice ASAP!

Ok readers, my roommate is moving out this weekend and her parents are coming to help her move. I will not be here and they will be staying in my room. I have no problem with this, but now I'm stuck with an awkward decision: to de-gay or not de-gay the pictures in my room. I have some pictures sitting on the dressers/nightstand of Girlfriend and me on trips to various places. Part of me wants to leave them up because well, it's my room, my house, my Gay-ass life. The other part of me thinks I should put them in a drawer because she comes from a very (I mean VERY) conservative family and while they would NEVER EVER say anything, I think it might make them uncomfortable. I'm not one to usually shy away from the uncomfortable, but these are her parents who I love dearly and I want them to feel comfortable in my home. I need some advice here and I need it ASAP as they will be here tomorrow night. What do you think I should do?!?!

9 comments:

Jude said...

These are the type of people that we need to show who we are and what we look like.

As long as your pictures and items are appropriate, I would leave them out. Love is love, right?

ashtree said...

I would have to say . . . leave the photos. In my opinion, people need to see happy, loving and normal gay couples. Everyone else gets to have photos of vacations with their partner, why should you have to censor? It's not like you are leaving sex toys on the bedside table. Just my two cents.

crystal said...

My advice; do not de-gay! My reasoning; it may make them a little uncomfortable, and yeah that sucks. But, there is always a little bit of shame and belittling that happens anytime we have to de-gay. To me that isn't worth it in this situation, I think respecting yourself, your girlfriend, and your relationship is more important here.
I made the mistake once of de-gaying my life when my dad came to visit (from ND mind you, as conservative as it gets!). When it was over I felt poorly about myself and my (currently ex) girlfriend was obviously hurt by it. Its just a disrespectful way to treat a relationship that is valid and important.
Thats just my opinion, I know its not a black and white situation though. Someday nobody will even blink an eye at pictures of loving lesbian couples!!

The Surprise Dyke said...

Jude and Ashtree-Thanks, I was leaning toward leaving them and just needed some affirmation that I wasn't being an intentional ass. I appreciate your advice!

two cat scene said...

Why would you apologize for who you are by hiding it? Their discomfort is not your problem. End of story. (ok, I'm not being harsh, I just can't stand that feelind of having to closet yourself for the convenience of someone else)

Carolyn said...

I also say leave them up as long as the pictures and stuff are appropriate. If it's something you would leave up if you were in a straight relationship, then leave it! They may even just think it's a really good friend, instead of gf, you know? (Not sure if you are out to them)

Jude said...

That's the right lean and no, you wouldn't be an I.A.

I spent too many of my years in hiding and it's been such a relief to me now that I'm living MY life. It feels so much better.

CJ said...

I'm on the fence about it. If they are people you respect and care about, then is it really hurting you to put them away for their comfort? Plus, are these people that are even going to BE positively affected by seeing the pictures?

On the other hand, you shouldn't have to hide them on their behalf...especially if they respect and care about you in the same manner you do them.

Damn, why can't I just be a black and white person?!?!

Zed said...

I think it hinges on whether you are out to them or not. If you are out, leave the photos by all means. If you are not out, then you must ask yourself, "Is this how I want to come out to them, or do I want to tell them myself, not make them wonder because of some photos..." I like what Crystal said about shame and belittling. It's your room, you pay for it, why change it if they know you're gay?