Do as I say, not as I do

I run my mouth. This should come as no surprise. Here's a little bit of my own advice that I should have taken at work this week: before you say, "So-and-so can kiss my ass." Make sure they are not in ear shot, or that their best bud is in earshot. Yeah....

Whatever. I stand behind my statement and make no apologies for offending or running my mouth. Remember the situation with this woman? Well she was running her mouth about how we need to do another set of running records for our students before the end of the year. Eleven days away. She went on about what our grade level needed to do, and how we shouldn't have waited to the last minute, and if we were better at time management we wouldn't have a problem now, etc. (Don't you want to slap her too???) I [shockingly] ran my mouth about how we were prepping for the EOG, tested students for four hours a day, did remediation for those that didn't pass, have retesting next week AND if she had been in a classroom in the past five years she would have a clue about the reality of what we need, should and can do. Oops. Hey, my grade level buddies laughed because if I was going down I was bringing them with me :-)

In other fun work news my grade level is fighting about who knows what. Two of them are pissed at the other four but won't tell us what's wrong or what we did (clearly they have been spending WAY too much time with eight year olds) and one even went as far as sitting with us outside during recess, faced the other way and pouted as if to say, "Just so you know, I'm ignoring you." Yes, we have tried finding out what the problem is so we can fix it. One tells us, "I'm fine." The other....crickets. All I know is that when a kindergarten teacher randomly said that grade levels are a family I blurted out, "Then we totally are a family. Some of us hate each other but need to get over it because we are stuck together. They need to get over themselves, put a smile on their face, and shut it for the next eleven days." Again, yeah....that jewel got me a high five from one of my cohorts who is equally frustrated and completely clueless as to what is going on. Yup, I'm two for two this week.

In conclusion: Teachers get punchy as the days wind down. If you see a car with a school faculty sticker on the back, don't piss them off. We are all ready to cut a b*tch.

Panic with a capital P

Tonight was another reminder that I truly have one of the best neighbors EVER. He's a laid back cop who helps me with random stuff (like moving the dining room table so I can carpet clean the dining room) whenever I ask and his wife is an equally awesome dog walker/sitter who works at a local winery. Tonight his awesomeness was no exception.

Let me paint a (somewhat gruesome) picture for you...B and Q went into the backyard and when it started drizzling a half hour later I tried calling them back in. They would not have it. B came running up the stairs, and barreled into the house but when he realized Q wasn't behind him he was gone again under the deck. I paid no mind to this. I told myself, "There are strawberries growing under the deck, they must be distracted eating strawberries." Forty-five minutes later they were still gone and I was growing uneasy with the complete silence. Suddenly I head both of them going ape-sh*t on the deck, Q's collar pops off on the top step and as I'm trying to get B in the house to separate them I see...it. A tiny dead creature on the deck. B won't leave it alone and keeps trying to bring whatever they have killed into my house and Q is gone back into the yard. 10 minutes later I get B and Q (still with no collar because it is past the little dead thing they killed) in the house and locked in the bedroom. I RUN to my neighbor and explain, "There is a tiny dead thing on the deck. I don't know what it is. A mouse or something. I can't go near it, please please please get rid of it before Girlfriend gets back! Oh, and it's guarding Q's collar, please help me and yes I know I'm being such a girl right now." He laughed at me, put on his shoes and proceeded to go to the backyard and take care of it. The "tiny dead thing" was not a mouse but a baby bunny. Not only did the dogs (probably my terrier) kill a baby bunny and try to bring it in the house, but upon further investigation there were THREE more deceased baby bunnies in the yard, one which had been torn apart. My neighbor took care of it all saying, "When I realized it was a baby bunny and not a mouse I knew there would be more. We can't have Girlfriend finding this tomorrow. This never happened." After profusely thanking him he reminded me, "It's really no problem and I don't mind. Just remember-I don't do snakes. If there's a snake, you're on your own." Thank you most awesome neighbor for helping me once again in my hour of need.

Hell Week

I am smack dab in the middle of hell week. End of Grade (EOG) testing is upon me and I am loosing it. If these kids f*cking mis-bubble their sheets again tomorrow I might loose what is left of my sanity. Read the number, find the number, bubble the same letter. HOW F*CKING HARD IS THAT?!?!?! We've been doing it since f*cking August and these children are looking at me like they've never seen a bubble sheet before. This is our future people. The same ones who can't find and bubble the letter C will make decisions for us when we are old and decrepit. Be afraid. Be very very afraid.

Just for funzies

I took this picture today just for funzies. I NEVER have a camera available when this stuff happens, and given how the day went this is all I've got for you.

What kind of day was it? "Interesting" seems like the only appropriate word. It included packages of candy lying about the number of pieces inside causing a near riot/student meltdown, one kid being sent away for coloring all over his hand-with my crayon that he borrowed-while going over an EOG review book, two other kids threatening to beat up/shoot each other for "running their mouths" which landed them in the office, copier issues, students yelling in the hallway and the staff generally melting down over the EOG being less than a week away. On top of that Girlfriend is sick. Really sick. I mean sick to the point of being sent to a hematologist and having an ultrasound on lymph nodes in her neck this week kind of sick. On top of everything at work hitting the proverbial fan, I am a complete mess worrying about her. Her statement to me, "Now you know how I felt when you got sick." This picture was the one thing that made me smile today. For the record I was stopped at a red light when I took it. Safety first people, safety first.

Snapshot of our life

I think this snapshot of a conversation sums up life with me and Girlfriend.

(Yes this was in public. Yes we were quite loud. No we did not care.)

Girlfriend: WHAT!?!?

Me: Yes!

Girlfriend: Wait, WHAT!?! How did I not know this?

Me: I don't know. It was front page news the other month. I didn't mention it because I assumed you knew.

Girlfriend: I just cannot believe I didn't find this out until now.

Me: Woman, you are WAY out of the gay loop. You need to start reading your newsletter.

Straight Friend: What newsletter?

Me: The gay one. Don't stress, you're not on the mailing list.

Girlfriend: We're all on the mailing list. That's how we know our agenda. It must still be going to my old address.

Me: I jumped on the electronic one. It's more eco-friendly and sh*t. You know how our people do. Or maybe you don't since you haven't been reading the newsletter.

Birthday Awesomeness

Who is awesome? I am awesome. This you should already know from reading my blog. Since we are on a budget I made girlfriend a slew of coupons for her birthday. Did I take a picture to brag on myself before I gave them to her? Of course not! Grrr! I'll have to get her to forward me a picture of their obnoxious cuteness to share with you all. When she opened them the first thing she said was "Awww!" followed quickly by "Do I have to give them back to you, or can I please please keep them?" (We decided she can keep them and I will initial the back after she uses it) I also baked her a red velvet cake (her faves) from scratch. Scratch people. Like scratch scratch. I've never made red velvet cake before and naively thought to myself, "It's cake. How hard can it be?" Seriously, that is one freaking laborious cake. It took me a solid 5, count'em 5, hours and I had to wash all the mixing bowls in the house TWICE to make the cake, marshmallow cream and icing. If that's not love then nothing is. Here is a picture to make you jealous you aren't living with me and getting delicious birthday treats :-)