Heterosexual Privilege

Normally, I would be the last one to talk about the "heterosexual privilege" because honestly a lot of times it think it's just people who are crying, "poor me, I'm being picked on, waa waa waa."  However, after attending a wedding today the feelings are fresh in my mind and I am angry.  If you are thinking, "oh, just another lesbian who's angry she can't get married."  You are wrong.   This angry lesbian has no desire to be married anytime soon or in the distant future.  I guess it's the events that took place at the wedding reception and not the actual ceremony today that did it for me.  My dear friend who got married today took a different approach to the traditional bouquet/garder toss.  Instead, she and her husband had all the married couples dance to a song.  During the song the DJ would announce, "If you have been married less than ___ years please leave the dance floor."  until there was only one couple left who had been married 38 years.  I thought it was a lovely thing, because the long married never get to get the bouquet, and it also alleviates the highly awkward situation of pointing out the single women (as if there is something wrong with them) to catch a bouquet hoping they will be the next to get married (assuming that it is the desire of all single women.)  However, during the dance it got me thinking about couples who aren't married, but happily together for many years.  Is their relationship any less loving because it is either not recognized by the state, or for various reasons they choose not to be legally married?  I rarely view people in situations as having a "heterosexual privilege" but today my eyes were opened to the closed view of others.  It is just assumed that all people are straight, any only straight relationships are worth recognizing or have value.  Let's be honest...while everything may look peachy-keen on the outside, lots of straight people stay married when there is infidelity, abuse, etc. for lots of reasons (children, financial security, denial, etc.) yet their relationships (good or bad) are elevated above any committed, loving homosexual relationships.

Food Network Double Entendre

I was watching the Food Channel the other day and saw one of the funniest commercials EVER.  Now, I watch a lot of television and have seen some funny commercials, but nothing compares to the hilarious add for a Food Network Web show.  The web show is called the FN Show and interviews different chefs, food personalities, etc.  Now, the title seems innocent enough, the FN Show-the Food Network Show-but if you say it quickly without correctly enunciating each letter what do you get?  (Drumroll please) The F-in Show, as in the F***ing Show.  How awesome is that!!!  My mother who was sitting on the couch next to me looked at me as if I had three heads when I burst out laughing at the title of the web show, because apparently while she tells dirty jokes and says inappropriate things, her mind didn't go to the same twisted place that mine went to.  I love that an entire marketing team approved this title, which makes it EVEN MORE AWESOME.  The guy that hosts it has quite a personality too (watch his piano montage to the host of Iron Chef America if you don't believe me), and it leaves me to excitedly believe that he (or whoever named the show) used a very creative double entendre for those of us who have twisted minds.  Just another reason to add to the list of why I heart the Food Network.  :-) 

Cookbooks and Dirty Jokes

Sorry it's been a little while, I've had some Internet difficulty...but I'm back for your reading pleasure!  I know what you're thinking, cookbooks and dirty jokes, no they aren't related.  A lot of funny stuff has happened since I last posted, so I figured I should just bundle it all together.  

First the cookbook incident.  Ok, so my mom and I were in her kitchen and she was trying to pawn off some of her less used cookbooks on me to help de-clutter her new kitchen.  Now I love to cook and I love cookbooks so I was all about scanning through them to see if any of them would be ones that I would use enough to take back.  I start scanning this one that is all about entertaining with friends and such.  I'm thinking, "Ooo, this one looks promising!" ESPECIALLY after I find a recipe for Lace Cookies.  At the top of the page is the list of ingredients, you know, flour, sugar, eggs, vanilla, etc.  Then listed below are the directions with a pretty picture of the cookies once they are made.  Nothing strange yet, right?  At the very bottom of the page is a line (and I quote) Time saving tip: If pressed for time purchase cookies at a local bakery or supermarket.  SERIOUSLY, WTF???  The entire premise of the book is because I want to COOK it myself.  If I was pressed for time, or didn't want to make cookies, don't they think I would have thought of this genius idea earlier?  Apparently they (and their editors) must think America is filled with idiots who need a cookbook to tell them what to do if they don't want to cook.  Well, after I composed myself and finished laughing at my mom for buying such a ridiculous "cookbook" and ranting about the entire idea of a cookbook telling me how to buy cookies at a store I looked closer at other pages.  You would not believe this but EVERY recipe had a similar asinine statement.  It's almost as bad as the sleep medicine telling you on the warning that it may cause drowsiness.  

Now for the dirty joke incident.  My mother and I have a very warped relationship, which has only served to get worse as I've gotten older.  The older I get the more she says things that are, to say the least, inappropriate to tell your child.  We were in the living room and here's how the conversation went. [(Mom) "My friends and I were talking about what we would do if something ever happened to our current spouses and we decided to date again." (Me) "Really?  What did you all decide?"  (Mom) "Well, personally I decided that I would date based solely on occupation.  And I've decided that if something ever happened to your father I would date an optometrist."  (Me)  "Interesting choice, explain." (Mom)  "They are always checking, 'Which is better, this...or this.  I'm not sure, can you do it again?  Sure, this....or this?"]  At this point I am DYING on the chair about to pee in my pants.  She looks at me innocently and has the audacity to say, "What?"  To which I promptly tell her she has a dirty mind.  Her proud rebuttal...I made that joke up myself (cue big smile).  My mom, I love her, weird relationship and all.

My Dad is Awesome

I just want to start by saying...my dad is awesome.  OK, here's the story.  The other day I went to  hang out with my Godmother and catch up because I never see her considering she lives about 550 miles away from my current home.  On my way out she gave me a late housewarming present from her and her sister since they weren't able to make it to my Housewarming Shin-Dig a year ago when I moved.  I got around to opening it today and it was a home tool kit with a socket wrench, various sized monkey wrenches, pliers, etc.  Needless to say I was ecstatic.  I mean I only have 3 hammers (of different weight and size, because I mean...you never know), a drill (with masonry, standard and wood bits because again...you never know), reciprocating saw, hand saw, 5 screwdrivers, and countless other tools...but I had no socket wrench set.  Seriously, my first thought was, "Oh my gosh, how have I been living without this???"  Thus, another blatant sign that I just might be the gayest person ever.  Anyway, back to the story.  So my dad gets home from work and I excitedly show him my gift and we start talking about what else, drywall repair.  Now I have repaired a lot of holes in my house and done my share of spackling, so I guess I was the person to turn to for a suggestion to his problem.  In moving furniture into their new house he accidentally put a rather, um large, hole in the corner of the staircase and wasn't quite sure how to fix it.  Now, keep in mind I had already noticed the large hole and had been thinking about how to fix it since I arrived because I knew it had to be driving my mom crazy.  I quickly spit out an answer about going to Lowes, getting mesh wiring, spackling over, sanding and repainting the section as if it was no big deal.  My dad looked at me, his eyes beaming proudly and said in all sincerity, "You're going to make someone a great husband someday."  When my mom came home tonight he proudly recanted the entire story of tool excitement, drywall repair, and again gushed about how I'll make a great husband.  This ladies and gentlemen is why my dad is awesome.

The Mom Complex

I've been visiting my family for about a week and after talking to some of my friends I've discovered there is a distinct Mom Complex that we as queer people have.  What is the Mom Complex?  It's this undeniable fear of our moms rejecting us, judging us or being disappointed in us.  This consists of the actual "coming out" to them as well as sharing our lives openly and authentically, no matter how long we have been out.  Now, while I agree that it can be really scary to come out to parents, there is this mindset of "if you're out to your mom then you're out."  (Stepping on my soapbox) Well all of that is fine and dandy, but what about our dads?  No one ever seems to mention having a complex about coming out, or living out, to dads.  It's always "I don't know how to tell my mom" or "I'm scared to tell my mom" or "how will my mom react?"  If you don't believe me simply go to your local Barnes and Noble, Borders, or local gay bookstore and look in the GLBT section.  There are tons of books for/by moms who have gay children, yet how many books do you see for/by dads?  Why are our feelings so much more flippant when it comes to our dads?   For me personally I was nervous about telling my mom, but I was terrified of telling my dad.  While my mom and I talk often, have a strong bond and her expression of loving me were always present.  My dad was a different story, he's reserved, quiet, and rarely do we have long conversations.  At least if my mom has something to say she says it, where as my dad will just think it and not tell you.  Sometimes I feel like we put our dads on the back burner and concentrate so much on our moms that it creates an even bigger divide.  Say your dad went to the store to get a book to help him understand (because he's supposed to be "a man" and doesn't want to talk), what is he bombarded with?  Books for/by/about mother-child relationships which reiterates to him that his relationship with you and his feelings are second-rate.  Let's end this ridiculous divide and instead of having a Mom Complex, simply have a Parent Complex where you care about both of your parents feelings equally.

A little bit of my rambling

Ok, so the title may seem random, but random pretty much describes me!  I may appear to be a mix of contradictions and confusions to many people, but I'm not as complicated as they make me out to be.  My friends consider me to be a "surprise dyke" because no one had a clue I was gay until I told them.  I didn't fit the stereotype picture in their mind of what a gay woman looks or acts like (yet who do they call to fix their sink and lights?)  and "pass for straight" on a daily basis.  (Stepping on my soapbox for my ramble) Let's talk for a minute about the phrases "pass for straight" and "acting straight."  What exactly does "acting straight" mean?  I hate these categories of where someone needs to fit simply to make others comfortable and happy.  In the words of one of my favorite movies, Peoples Is Peoples.  (That's right peoples, The Muppets Take Manhattan...you know you love it too!)  It doesn't bother me that people can't tell I'm gay, but what does bother me is the phrases.  Like I'm on some covert operation to act like something different than who I am thinking, "OOO, who can I trick today!".  Simply because I blow-dry and straighten my hair, wear makeup, and don't have a super short haircut doesn't make me any less gay than the dyke stereotypes.