Back and ready for Halloween

First, I would like to thank you all for your well wishes. I'm finally all better from the flu (Sidenote: Our school system isn't offering flu shots for staff member until Nov. 18...WTF is that about? Not like I would get the flu shot, but still I would like the option in a more appropriate time frame...you know like BEFORE I got the fucking flu! Sorry, back on track.) and getting ready for Halloween. Ugh. I know that relationships are all about compromise, and I will gladly compromise on many, many, many things without complaining but Halloween is just not one that I can handle quietly. I have my tradition, it isn't fancy, but it's mine. On Halloween I give out candy to children and watch "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!" on a continuous loop and maybe, MAYBE go out later.

This was my plan. Did you notice the word was? See what ha-happened was Girlfriend has a new co-worker who is a transplant from Texas. (I'm sure you know where this is going) She doesn't know many people and wants to do something for Halloween. Everyone at their lab either has little kids or is (literally) out of the country at the moment...all except Girlfriend, new girl, and a total douche bag guy who no one likes. New girl really wants to do something and meet more people, Girlfriend has a big heart and can't say no...so now we are going out for Halloween. The only thing that is making this better is that we are going to the gay club since as soon as new girl became Facebook friends with Girlfriend (and realized Girlfriend is a homo) she has been talking about how she misses her gay best friend back in Texas. Thus, predominantly gay men's club/bar here we come! I found this out last night and had to come up with a costume. I am an avid fan of the "Non-costume costume" and this year since we are going to be going out-out I put a little bit more effort into my costume.

I'll give you the information, you put it together and tell me what you think I am in the comment section below. Ready? Here we go! Ok, I'm wearing a white shirt and white pants. I am going to pin white index cards all over my clothes and each index card has a different phrase written in black sharpie.

Here are the phrases:

Yes, it's clean

I'm not tired at all

Sorry, I already made plans

That dress doesn't make you look fat

Your baby is adorable

The check is in the mail

You look like you have lost weight

I love your hair

Yes, that matches

Dinner was great

I'd love to go out again

I love my job

You're a great cook

I loved the gift

This is just what I wanted

No, this doesn't taste like cardboard

Yes I was listening

Don't worry the stain will come out

I'm still awake

You're a great driver

No, I don't mind

Nothing's wrong

I'm fine

I can fix this

I love the opera

They're my favorite band

The dog did it

No, I didn't eat the cookies

I wasn't speeding

It doesn't hurt

I love your pet ferret

It's not that bad

The car is filled with gas

I'll be ready in five minutes

I didn't get the e-mail

My phone died

I texted you

It wasn't expensive

No, you didn't wake me up

Ok, now it's your turn to play along. Can you figure out what my costume is? (And in case you are wondering, yes, I am proud of myself!)

Quarrantined

So it's official, I've been quarantined to my house because I have the flu. It's quite ironic that Girlfriend works at the human vaccine institute and I have the flu. At least it's the regular old flu and not the super scary one. I wasn't going to post anything today but the conversation at the clinic today was too funny not to share. Here's some more info about me that you probably didn't want to know but matters to the story. So my period started Sunday morning and was crazy intense for about 3 hours and has almost stopped today which had me worried and it why I went to the clinic in the first place. When talking with the doctor I explained the situation and here is our conversation:

Me: So, is that okay? This has never happened before.

Doctor: Well let's do a pregnancy test just to be sure, but I think it's probably related to the flu.

Me: There's no need for that. I'm 100% certain I'm not pregnant.

Doctor: No sex? At all?

Me: Well not with men and if my girlfriend has gotten me pregnant I've got bigger problems than the flu.

Doctor: (Dropping his pen) Uh. Yeah, I guess that would be a bigger problem.

His facial reaction was priceless and he was just stumped as how to respond. Anyway, I just wanted to share and now I'm going back to bed. I NEED to be better by this weekend because it is Girlfriend's high school reunion. On a positive note, my co-workers are AMAZING! One of them just called me and told me not to worry about sub plans, they would take care of everything for my students this week. I'm going to need to buy them cookies or something next week...

Phrase of the year

My assistant principal (AP) at work often says random shit that no one really understands, and frankly doesn't really care to understand. To be honest he is a little bit of an oafish man who bumbles around looking like a lost overgrown kindergartner who can't find their classroom and is scared to ask for help and so resorts to walking around aimlessly. He has the best of intentions but is also a man who is just DYING to have someone listen to him talk, so if you ask him a question be prepared for a 20 minute speech where he answers it, states your question a different way, and re-answers it (sometimes with something different which contradicts his first response), needless to say he's um, interesting. One thing that he says often and has caught on with the staff is, "I'm calling shenanigans!" When he first said it, his intention was to state, "I don't believe you!" but our staff has taken his phrase and given it a life (and meaning) of its own. Which in a job/world surrounded by children translates to, "This is bullsh*t!" or "You are full of bullsh*t right now!"

Here is a perfect example of its usage: In my evaluation (already, smooth move right?) I say to my AP-And another thing, I'd like to talk about those markers they provide. They die after about week, leave black marks all over and stink. It's total shenanigans! Thankfully he laughed, agreed and gave me an even better report for being "passionate."

We use it often, we use it about each other and parents and best of all today in class I heard one of my little darlings say to the other, "I'm calling shenanigans on you!" I had to take some very deep breaths to stop myself from shooting coffee clear out my nose. The best part about this phrase (well second to hearing the children use it correctly) is being able to vent frustrations about stuff around the kids. You'd loose your job if you say, "This is bullsh*t!" with kids around, but if you say, "I'm calling shenanigans!" the children give you an supportive nod.

Tonight I had to turn the heat on at my house and I'm calling shenanigans. What are you calling shenanigans on in your world?

Join Club Inappropriate

WOW! I didn't realize it had been so long since I posted-sorry y'all! Here is a picture from Girlfriend's breakfast Friday morning. Let's just say that we spent a LOT of time giggling like eight year old boys...no one should be surprised :-)

I mean really, who approves this to put on packaging for children?!?!