Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Thank You North Carolina

I knew going into my marriage that it would not be legal the moment we crossed the North Carolina state line. While I wasn't happy about it, I accepted it. I wanted the paper to have to show our children that yes-their mom's are married and yes-their family is secure. It would be great if it was valid here as well, but I know that North Carolina is make steps in the right direction and hopefully in the next few years we will be able to have our license valid here as well.
We have been planning for the past several months not only our wedding, but how we will create a family of our own. Girlfriend has met with a fertility clinic and I've talked with a lawyer. Girlfriend wants to carry a child which works out perfectly for us because it enabled both of us to be legal parents-her biologically and me through a second parent adoption. Until the other day. NC overturned the right for second parent adoptions for same sex parents. Not only did they stop judges from performing them, they have also made all previous adoptions invalid. Do they realize the harm this brings? To know that your mom or dad who has adopted you is no longer your legal guardian, that the court just broke apart and took away their family. Now yes, families will continue to exist and love their children just as they have been, but there is something special about a legal document. The validation and acceptance you pay so much money for just gets taken away by people who cannot truly understand how important it is to you. I contacted the lawyer this morning to find out what we can do, HOW I can have any legal protection for our children. I thought we were making steps forward here in NC, and as soon as they do they turn around and tear families apart, destroying hopes and dreams. I want to be a mom. Thank you North Carolina for taking that away from me because somehow continuing to legalize my little family was going to be a bad thing.

13 comments:

crystal said...

I am so very sorry, and completely shocked!! Unfortunately by now, I am used to normal human rights being dangled in front of us, only to be snatched away. But revoking the already legalized adoptions?! That is a slap in the face, and complete active bigotry, not even the insidious crap that we put up with every day, but downright insulting!!
Some day we will all look back on this and shake our heads at the stupidity of this society. For now though, we have to just make our families as happy and honest as we can, because we know that they are real, everyone else will realize that soon enough.

Angela said...

wow. That is horrible. :( what did your lawyer say? I live in Mississippi and will marrying my gf in the future when we are able. I have been trying to find information for what we can do to have rights.

LilliGirl said...

I'm so sorry. (((hugs)))

Taylor said...

I don't understand it. All we want is to be protected by the law and have equal rights. Not 'special' rights just equal rights like everyone who lives in this country. How is wanting a family harmful? Honestly, some kids would rather have gay parents that love them and want them than hetero parents who didn't want them in the first place. Now THAT is harmful to children.

mommapolitico said...

So sorry to hear of your struggles. It's all so ridiculous, and makes no sense whatsoever. Know that there are plenty of straight folks, too, who see things your way and continue to lobby for your rights. Don't surrender your dreams, and keep fighting the good fight, friend. You'll have your family -just a matter of time, esp. with the repeal of DADT. We get a step closer every day. Here in CA we're pushing the envelope for ya (Prop 8 court battles), and thinking positive thoughts. Who knows? Maybe 2011 will be the year we see equality in action. Happy New Year, and keep the faith, Sistah.

Erin said...

That is such Bullsh-t. It sucks that it seems that every time it seems we've made progress, something else causes us to take 2 steps back.

Even though (for now) NC is stupid to not recognize your family, it will not make it any less valid or any less loving. Doesn't make it hurt any less, but at least they can't take away your love, hard as they may try.

Good luck on all the wonderful things to come for you and your fiance! I'm so happy for you! I've been reading for so long it feels like you're an old friend. hahaha.

Sending you both love and hugs!

The Surprise Dyke said...

Crystal-I too have become all to use to the given and take away but each time it still shocks me

The Surprise Dyke said...

Angela-There is actually a lot you can do to protect yourselves, it's just very time consuming and COSTLY. The basics are power of attorney, power of medical attorney, wills, etc. A great lawyer and some serious internet research goes a long way

The Surprise Dyke said...

LilliGirl-Thanks for hugs, they were what I needed the most the past few days

The Surprise Dyke said...

Taylor-One word-exactly.

The Surprise Dyke said...

Mommapolitico-Thanks, we will continue to keep the faith and fight the good fight with our allies by our side

The Surprise Dyke said...

Erin-It's crazy how after reading someone's blog (and commenting back and forth) you truly do get to know someone and form a friendship. This blog space truly has become a haven for me over the past few years-thanks for the love and hugs!

Brooke said...

I've just discovered your blog, and stumbled upon this particular post and had to comment. I had no idea that this kind of thinking still goes on in the world today. You are able to offer a child a stable, loving home... wait, you are able to offer YOUR child a stable, loving home and yet they are obstructing this. Do they not realise the harm they are doing to the already adopted children of gay parents also? God, it makes me so angry. I hope one day you are given the right to be a LEGAL parent to the children you raise, I honestly do. This whole thing is so ridiculous.