Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Haircut Drama

Sorry it's been a while since I posted, so here is an update and a story: I got my hair did yesterday.  I was really excited about it, it has been um...let's just say a while...and needed to be fixed.  Here it the routine, I sit, she tells me what she is going to do, I say great, she cuts.
Everything goes as planned-my hairdresser does her thing, cutting, styling, etc. and I go home to mess with it some more to decide if I like it (not that it really matters because, really, what can you do?) and I had a moment when looking in the mirror and thought, "What the f*uck, my hair looks really gay!"  Worst part of my reaction, is that I have no idea what I meant by it-but I meant it.  As I was messing with it I was trying to decide if it was the haircut, my clothes, or just me.  I was wearing a green polo (duh it was St. Patrick's Day) with a white long sleeve tee under it, and dark wash jeans.  It didn't help me that after I took a shower I put on an A-cut and sweatpants while blow drying it...yeah, that didn't help me feel better.  Last night, it still looked gay, even after I flat ironed the hell out of it.  Today was better.  I put some product in it, styled it a little differently, and did my makeup.  The combination made my hair looked less gay...whatever that means.
Really though, after taking some time to process (yes I took time to process, and was worried that my HAIR was gay) and it came back to an incident on the playground yesterday.  I'm not out at work, because I like my job, and honestly I don't talk about my personal life very much because it's not relevant.  One of my co-workers and I were on the playground with our kids and here is a snip-it of our conversation:

Co-worker: Any potential boyfriend on your end?
Me: Um, no...no boyfriend.
Co-worker: Is there anyone that you are interested in?  Or are you interested in being set up with a guy I know?
Me: Um, no thanks to the set up.  That's not really my thing.
Co-worker: Okay, well let me know if you change your mind, he's a great guy.

It was awkward.  But I'm pretty sure it was only awkward for me.  Everything inside of me wanted to say, "To be specific, guys aren't my thing." but knew that wasn't exactly an option.  So instead I played the pronoun game (which I HATE) and changed the subject.  Any other situation and I would have said, "Actually I'm seeing this girl who is absolutely amazing" without a second thought, but at work it's just different.
So the playground thing was still in my head when I got my hair did, which made me all stressed about my hair looking gay, which led to processing it out on the phone-to the girl I am seeing (she thought it was funny and said that no, it's just me that's really gay), which led to me realizing I hate not being out at work...and I like my haircut.

11 comments:

lesbo said...

Ha. I wore that exact outfit on st paddy's day!
Glad you like your 'do :)

Carolyn said...

I hate playing the pronoun game too. I am curious about your hair now haha. I think you need to make a new vlog so we can see it!

haha I laughed at what CLF (I am assuming that's who you were referring to?) said. So true.

sheA said...

JERsEE- Knowing you as I sorta do- I bet you are ROCKIN yer new hrrrrr. Can't wait for a preview. And I hear ya on not being out at work. Thankfully both of my jobs have non discriminatory policies regarding dykes like us....here's to you being able to be OUT and PROUD in the future.

The Surprise Dyke said...

Lesbo-great minds think alike!

The Surprise Dyke said...

Carolyn-I will, it doesn't look as gay now, but I will vlog about it soon. I can't vlog when there are people home, I get all weird about it. It's not CLF, we actually stopped seeing each other back in the beginning of Feb. It's someone I'm not quite ready to post about yet :-)

The Surprise Dyke said...

Shea-AMEN sister!

Jude said...

I've been working at the same place for 35 years and it's been only the last 4 years that I've been out at work by my doing too. I only wish I could replay the first 30 all over again, being out and without all those made up stories I had to come up with about my weekends and vacations. It sounds like you'd be out of a job though if you came out at work. bummer

newbo said...

Lol the pronoun game. I changed my status on facebook (and if it's on facebook, then it must be real!) from single to blank, and all my friends who don't know i'm gay frantically sent me messages asking "who's the guy?? who's the guy??"

I could honestly reassure them that there is no guy!

The Surprise Dyke said...

Jude-unfortunately that's true. There is a bill being introduced this week that would protect state employees (including teachers!) from being fired...we can only hope it passes through

The Surprise Dyke said...

Newbo-haha, who hasn't been there? I haven't had a status for a long long time, and just changed it to "in a relationship" I'm waiting for a reaction from my co-workers when they realize it

Furtive Life said...

lol. this is the post that's gonna make me follow your blog.