Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Do NOT elect my students!

My class has been OBSESSED with the election.  Kind of interested?  Totally normal.  7 year olds watching ALL the debates and then debating about the debates in class...not normal.  But, me being me, took their interest and ran with that shit.  We read two books: Duck for President and Grace for President.  Both are awesome books so check them out.  Anyway, we made campaign posters for our preferred candidate, had speeches and debates on behalf of our candidates and wrapped stuff up with both a popular vote and an electoral vote. Guess who won the popular vote AND the electoral votes? Duck.  My class voted for a duck.  A DUCK.  The closing argument that sealed the election for duck?  "Ducks quack."  He won by a f*cking landslide.  I love my class but this makes me very concerned about the future of our country.  We are also publishing a book about what they would do if they were the president.  This is also very very very very very very very very concerning.  Why am I so concerned?  Well one precocious little boy (we'll call him Concerned Citizen-CC) wants to make all alcohol illegal.  If you drink and get caught you go to jail for one year.  His original plan was to have all stores that sell alcohol only sell wine.  When I broke it to him the conversation went like this:

Me: Why do you want to make all alcohol illegal?
CC: Because when people drink they make bad choices like crash their car and damage their brain cells.
Me: Ok...I hate to break it to you, but your plan isn't going to work.
CC: Why not?
Me: Because wine is a type of alcohol.
CC: Yeah, but it has way less than whiskey.
Me: True, but it does still have alcohol.
CC: Got it!  They can only sell root beer!

Be concerned people...seven year olds are bring back prohibition.  This makes me want to have a drink...

Another child wants close all the cigarette and chewing tobacco factories to help prevent cancer.  Good plan, but when I asked him what his plan was for all the factory workers he thought for a minute then quickly wrote, "I will build more Targets so factory workers can have new jobs."  Good plan kid, good plan.

The most concerning was a child who wrote (and I quote) I would mach lest skool so kids cand hiv mur fun.  Translation: I would make less school so kids can have more fun.  You don't need more fun, you need more f*cking school!!!!

I didn't let my little budding politicians get off easy.  Anything they wanted to do they had to think of problems it might create and/or how to pay for things.  There were tears, and I mean TEARS over the idea of raising taxes to pay for services.  Finally one child settled on having a massive fundraiser so she wouldn't have to raise taxes twice.  There was also a very impressive impromptu debate between two passionate students over the idea if taxes should be raised/lowered and the benefits/drawbacks.  One thing I was totally expecting and was SHOCKED didn't happen-no one wrote why they wouldn't want to be president.  I rode some of them pretty hard about the repercussions of their laws and decisions and I really thought someone would change their mind.  So watch out America...a crap-load of seven year old are planning on running for president to making less school, no alcohol and a lot more Targets.

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