Conversation with my mom

I'd like to remind everyone that I heart my mom. I just spent over an hour and a half chatting with her about many things including (but not limited to) when I could come visit, Girlfriend's financial situation, her moving in this summer, when my mom started going gray (I've been finding gray hair and she said she just started going gray a few years ago...I'm call shenanigans on that), mortgage/property taxes stuff, etc. Talking with her for so long made me miss them more and really wish they lived closer. They are going to come down and visit me around Easter instead of have me travel to them because they have a little more flexibility in terms of work days and time available. This right here is just another example of why I know I'm lucky:

Mom: I'm glad that Girlfriend's stuff will already be there when we come visit.

Me: Really? Why's that?

Mom: So there will be a real bed for me to sleep in and not just air mattresses. I'm too old for that shit.

Me: Her couch has a bed in it too.

Mom: Yup, she's definitely a keeper.

Me: I agree. I'm glad that you like her.

Mom: I do. I knew she was a kind and caring person with a good heart when I first met her. She loves her dog, she loves your dog, and it's obvious to everyone that she really loves you. I couldn't be more pleased with who you are spending your life with.

Big talk, big decisions, big changes

There are big talks, big decisions and big changes occurring here in my home. Girlfriend and I had a big talk about her moving here this summer and what to do with her stuff while she's staying with her dad. She is going to bring the stuff she won't need here, since it's coming here anyway and it seemed stupid to move her stuff to a storage unit, then move it here a few months later. This then led into the topic of our double stuff. We each have living room furniture, vacuums, etc. all of which created a second conversation-what to do with all our double stuff? It seems silly to keep double of everything, so what do we do? Neither one of us has been in this situation before. I went from living in a dorm to living with my (former) roommate for six years to now being on my own. She went from living in a dorm/apt. to living with her ex, to living on her own. For the first time I started to get sweaty. I'm not sure what happened, but I found myself feeling my heart race, my body sweating and struggling to keep myself composed in public. Even though we've talked about her moving in, I think the discussion of choosing between whose stuff to use somehow made it real. No, I'm not changing my mind or chickening out, but it's still scary. Big changes are coming this way, and as scary as they are, I'm ready to walk headfirst right into it. I leave this short (but heavy) post with a fun excerpt from our conversation over coffee tonight:

Me: What did your dad say when you told him?

Girlfriend: He was fine with it. He agreed that it should give me enough time to get my shit together.

Me: You know that I don't need you to have your shit together right?

Girlfriend: You don't want some broke mother fucker moving into your house.

Me: You're right. I don't want just ANY broke mother fucker moving in. You are a different story and I think I'll keep your broke ass around. We've already established I'm not with you for your credit.

Girlfriend: Nope, that's why I keep you around. Love you!

Me: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sunshine after the rain

I want to start by thanking so many of you again for your words, I cannot fully express how much it meant to have your love and support when going through such a hard time. After much time in prayer, hard conversations and tears things are starting to get better.

The pain of losing my grandma is simply one that is going to take time, so I'm not going to pretend that I'm all better because I'm not. I do however know that things will get better with time and it's a process I simply have to go through. Thankfully I have a loving support system here, back home with my family and with you all on the internet.

Girlfriend and I had very long, very hard and very much needed conversation. One we had to wait several days to have because it simply was not one we could have over the phone. She's going to move in with her dad for a couple of months and then move in here, she wants to have a cushion to help out and not feel like she's not contributing. This is something I had not even thought about because I want to take care of her, but I respect her for this. Even though on the rare occasion an issue from her past pops up, we are stronger than ever. I was shocked to hear things her dad told her when she informed him that I gave her the option of moving here. He's actually acknowledged that we are in a relationship, AND that he and his wife really like and respect me (my jaw dropped open when she told me that) and he's comfortable with her moving in with me once she gets back on her feet.

Last of all my health stuff that is going on. This morning (right as I was getting dressed to be in a wedding in another city...awesome timing) my period started. I'm still going to go to the doctor to make sure everything is okay since I didn't get it for three months but I feel a lot better (mentally, physically I still feel "off") now that at least it's back this month.