Kid-isms

Another student quote that you just can't make up....

Location-Car circle

People-kindergarden boy and me

Me: Where's your sister today?

Kindergartner: She's at home. She still has her ear infucktion.

Me: I'm sorry, what?

Kindergartner: An ear infucktion. It makes her ear hurts real bad.

Me: (trying to control laughter) Oh no! Well tell her I hope she feels better soon!

Now you KNOW that kid has said "ear infucktion" several times today. You better believe I repeated the story to any and every staff member that would listen. :-)

They called it mean; I called it funny

I played an April Fool's joke on my kids today. They LOVE word searches and today I gave them one to work on that was all about animals. The room was stone silent for over 15 minutes with an occasional huff or puff because they were having great difficulty finding words. After about twenty-five minutes I told them to clean off their desks and line up for PE. As they lined up they were complaining, "It's way too hard Miss _____!" and "I can't find ANY words!" and "Please give us a hint!" to which I responded, "You've had a lot of trouble with it? The words are right there at the bottom. Oh yeah, that reminds me-April Fools." Moans and groans ensued. I giggled.

They called it mean; I called it funny.

Can you figure it out?

Take a look at this drawing. Can you figure out what it is?

It's a beaver car. Seriously. I couldn't make this sh*t up if I tried. Two students were working diligently during free time and called me over to show me their masterpiece. When I asked them to "tell me about their drawing" this is what I learned. I've labeled things for your convenience and my entertainment.

Again, I couldn't have made this up. It's me driving a beaver car with B riding shotgun. A lookout window, you know for when you need a better view, and the two students who made it coming along for the ride. It's moments like this that I love my job :-)

Kids are weird

If you have been a reader for a while, you know from my stories that kids are weird. Today was no exception.

[During math...you know, with teaching and stuff going on]

Student: (raises hand) Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be inside a Snickers bar?

P.S.-I've never been this glad to be able to share a "kids are weird" story and to be back at work!

Back, back, back to school!

I'm sure if you've been following the special edition of "Ramblings of the surprise dyke trapped indoors and loosing her sanity" you will be able to fully appreciate how excited I was to go back today. Even better were my students who WANTED to be there-it was awesome. What was NOT awesome was that some of them lost their sanity and acted a damn fool requiring me to give several monologues about expectations. While some may have acted a damn fool at least they were listening:

Location: Cafeteria

Offense: jumping in seats and general damn foolishness

Perpetrators: Student 1 and Student 2

Me: I KNOW you know why I am standing here. Correct?

Students 1&2: (looking at the floor) Yes ma'am.

Me: Then tell me, why did I walk across the cafeteria, leave my delicious lunch that is now getting cold, and come to your table?

Student 1: Well, see what ha'happened-

Student 2:-Don't even try that she SAW us stupid.

Me: Hey! Hey! Hey! I'm standing right here!!!

Student 2: Sorry Miss _____. Sorry Student 1.

Student 1: It's cool. (looking at me) We've got ourselves under control. (nodding) Promise.

Me: Are you certain? Because if I have to come over here again...

Student 1: No, no, no that won't be necessary. We know better than to be THAT class in the cafeteria. After our routine was interrupted we lost control of our minds and self control for a minute. Trust us, we've found our brains.

Me: THAT class? What is THAT class?

Student 2: Mtttz. You know who we're talking about Miss ___. The one where you look and say, 'Can you believe THAT class acting a fool!?!?' We know better than to embarrass you like that 'cuz you will call our moms and embarrass us.

Student 1: Nu-uh!

Student 2: Chu-huh! She totally called my mom last year when I acted a fool in the cafeteria. AND she made me tell my mom what I did on the phone. It was bad man. Trust me, you don't want that to happen.

Student 1: Man.

Student 2: Seriously. Miss ____ don't play.

Me: And neither should you. Finish eating you only have five minutes left.

Students: Five minutes!

Me: Yup. That's what happens when you loose your minds and self control. I'm going back to my lunch which better not be cold or I'm giving you the long distance stink eye.

Students: (giggling)

It's how we roll

For those of you who may be new, or may have forgotten, this is how we roll in my classroom:

Boy student: Miss ____, how do you spell line?

Me: What?!?!

Boy student: How do you spell line?

Me: Line? As in don't talk in line?

Boy student: (smacking his lips together) Mttttz. Nah, not that word.

Girl student: He means LION. Like Miss _____ is tough like a lion and is going to eat choo.

Boy student: Yeah! Yeah! That word!

Me: OH! L-I-O-N. (Grabbing his shoulders) RAWR!

Boy student: (not flinching at all) I'm not scared. Even if you were a lion you wouldn't eat me.

Me: You're not scared of me? You should be scared of me. I'm hungry.

Boy student: Pshht. I've ain't scared of you. You won't eat me. You're a veg-e-tarian...I would only be scared if I was a carrot stick.

His finished project for our class book of similes: Miss _____ is tough like a lion but don't be scared unless you are a carrot stick. Complete with a picture of me attacking a carrot.

Yup. That's how we roll in my class.

Per Request...

I wanted to spare you the gross factor and not show you my jacked up hand, but since I got a request (and I hate to disappoint) I feel obligated to share a picture. In case you are wondering, no, that's not a shadow-my finger really is three different colors. I wore a band-aid over it today so the kids couldn't see it, but they got curious when they saw all the blue/purple/black. I showed those that were interested in seeing it and told them the story of what happened-being sure to include how I didn't cry once...they were thoroughly impressed (as they should be) and I've reclaimed my rightful spot as toughest kid in class. Fun Story: One kid fell on the playground today and was rolling around as if they were dying (he was totally fine and milking it). As I was watching this unfold I overheard one student look down and say, "You're fine." Then another classmate joined in with, "Yeah, it's not like you stabbed a knife through your finger like Miss ______, you just tripped." I'm glad to know that my pain and suffering is now the gauge as to which child complaints are judged by their peers.

I want to adopt this kid!

Quick story from class today because it's just too awesome not to share. My students were playing a Word Wall game where every kid had a white board and marker on the carpet. One child would write and say a sentence with one word missing that was on the Word Wall. The first kid to figure out the missing word (and spell it correctly on their board) got to pick the next word/phrase. (Side note: I make them write their sentence to make sure it makes sense, you would not believe how many times they come up with a "sentence" that has no subject, predicate or connected thought ending in frustrated classmates.) One child, who shall now be named Coolest Kid Ever was up and he asked me for a suggestion word. I gave him the word "that's" because students have been having trouble with where apostrophes go in contractions. He looked at me with a big smile and quickly began writing on his white board. As he finished I turned five shades of red, burst into uncontrollable laughter, and (unfortunately) had to have him write something else. What did he write you wonder?

______ what she said.

Seriously. Coolest. Kid. Ever.

Smile because it's priceless

Ok, the week is still not awesome, but not as bad as yesterday/Sunday. I still have no TV which sucks ass but on the bright side my house has never been cleaner! B is still mad at the vacuum cleaner but that's his business. It is currently back in the closet which B is guarding while pacing, huffing and puffing at as if he WASN'T scared shitless twenty minutes ago crying in his bed. Now to a fun story from today. I was at my cone during car rider after school and this adorable little blond hair, green eyed kindergartner came to my cone waiting for his dad to pull up.

Me: Hello! How was your day today?

Kindergartner: It was okay. My friend Mikey wasn't at school today. He lives next door to me.

Me: He wasn't? Is he sick?

Kindergartner: Yeah. He has the flee.

Me: I'm sorry what? He has what? (Bending down to hear him better)

Kindergartner: The flee. He gots the flee.

Me: You mean the flu?

Kindergartner: Flu? Um, no....not the flu. He has the flee.

Me: Oh, ok. Well you tell Mikey that I hope he feels better soon!

I wish you could have seen this child's face when I said flu. He looked at me like I was a total idiot for not knowing that it is the flee not the flu (duh). Here's hoping the week is heading in this direction!