Friday, July 24, 2009

Ugh.

*Disclaimer-this post is very depressing. If you want to skip to the bottom where I make up for it with two happy/fun stories I will not be offended.*

It's been a couple of emotional weeks over here which caused me to run away from blogging for a little while in order to take care of some things. 1) Girlfriend's childhood dog (we shall call her Feisty Ankle Biter) has had a large mass in her abdomen for about 7 months. They had drained it several times, but Feisty Ankle Biter was turning 15 years old, and clearly suffering. Girlfriend's mom made the decision to put her down on Wednesday. I went with them and seriously, it was one of the saddest things I've seen. Everyone was waiting on the vet to get there (who normally doesn't work on that day) and Feisty Ankle Biter was not doing well. It should come as no shock to you that I am a rock. A rock people. A. rock. I was not a rock. The vet got there about 5 minutes after Feisty Ankle Biter passed, and all four of us sat there and cried. Everyone is doing better, but it was a rough time. 2) My grandpa who I love (and am SHOCKINGLY just like) had to have a double hip replacement. The doctors were waiting on doing the surgery because he had an infection that wouldn't clear up, leading them to believe that it might be bone cancer. He is currently undergoing treatment for stomach cancer and about 10 years ago battled colon cancer...twice. Thankfully the tests came back that it wasn't bone cancer, but in the process of replacing both his hips they broke his leg. Yes, you read correctly. They broke the man's leg. Which SOMEHOW they didn't notice until after they were looking at x-rays of his completed surgery, thus sending him back to the OR to fix their f*ck up. When I was taking with him on the phone he said, "Those G*d damned doctors broke my G*d damn leg and are making ME pay for it. What kind of bullsh*t is this!?!?" I love my grandpa, he makes me laugh. 3) Grandpa was doing better and had moved to a rehabilitation center when his blood pressure went through the roof and wouldn't come down. The doctors finally got it down a little but everyone is shocked that he didn't stroke out. I'm not. The man is made of chemicals and is essentially radioactive after so many treatments after all these years, compounded by the fact that he drove an 18 wheeler delivering hazardous chemicals to different companies for all of his working days. He's going to outlive us all and bitch the entire time. I love it :-) SOOO, hopefully this helps explain where I've been and why I haven't posted in a little while.

Ugh, it's too depressing to end a post this way...now for two happy/fun things!

1) Girlfriend and I were driving and talking about who knows what when the conversation made its way to her talking about how she's "knocking at thirty's door"...here is a paraphrase of what followed:
Me: You have two years.
Girlfriend: 1 year, 8 months.
Me: Whatever. Are you really freaked out about turning thirty or are you just messing around? (if she was seriously freaked I wasn't going to pick at it)
Girlfriend: Nah, it doesn't bother me but you should know something.
Me: Ok.
Girlfriend: My biological clock is ticking. Seriously.
Me: How fast is it ticking? Did this just start?
Girlfriend: No, it's been ticking but it's gotten loud and now I can hear it.
Me: [insert awkward silence here] Um, baby....I love you but there is nothing that I can do. You're the scientist. I'm just saying...
She makes me laugh. I'm not sure what she wants me to do about her biological clock ticking. I think she just likes making awkward and mildly uncomfortable situations when I have nowhere to go (a.k.a. in a car) and hide.

2) We are heading to Charlotte Pride tomorrow with some of our friends which should lend itself to some fun stories and maybe (gasp!) pictures. Down side: it's supposed to be in the 90s. I'm from Jersey...I don't do 90s...I do air conditioning. If you are at Charlotte Pride tomorrow and see a puddle of cargo shorts sluggishly moving, it's me-come by and say hi!

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Discovery on the interstate

After driving 10+ hours in constant traffic I feel an expert in deciding what kind of driver you are based on your vehicle. Here is a chart for your viewing pleasure. Thoughts? Comments? Opinions? You know where to leave them!

Monday, July 6, 2009

All about the adverb people, all about the adverb

In Atlanta this weekend Girlfriend and I realized something about speech. Here are two examples (in story form) that prove my point.

1) We went up to Midtown on Friday night to catch a drag show at one of the local bars. We looked places up ahead of time and found one that not only was having a drag queen show but also was hosting a softball league night a.k.a. lesbians, right? Um, what they failed to mention on their website was that it was men's softball. WTF. We got there and the place was packed, I mean really packed with softball playing gay men. We found a table near one of the bars and hung out with some fabulous gay men who were just as hospitable as the gay south we expected to find-including one bending down and giving me a kiss on the hand just because quote: my fabulous shoes and beautiful smile. Since the place was so crowded there were several times that men bumped into Girlfriend or me. Each and EVERY time they said, "I am SO sorry!" sometimes adding in, "Are you okay? Did I spill your drink? Did I spill my drink on you?" or my favorite to Girlfriend, "Love, LOVE your hair!"
2) On Sunday we headed back up to Midtown to go have brunch at Flying Biscuit. After that we walked across the street to Outwrite bookstore just to see what they had compared to White Rabbit by us. I opened the door for Girlfriend [cuz that's how I do] and two men were leaving at the same time. After she walked in I held the door open for them and ushered them out [again, because that's how I do]. As they left each of them said, "Thank you SO much."

Now to get to my point: Gay men love the adverb "so" and use it freely. Straight men bump into you and say "excuse me" or "I'm sorry" while gay men say "I'm SO sorry." I told this to Girlfriend and after observing a little while she agreed with me-she also added that while an equal number of people might have bumped into us at the bar as at other places we went...it didn't bother her at the bar. After futher discussion we decided that adding the "so" somehow makes whatever has happened okay and removes any negative feelings...we also decided that it only applies to gay men-not sure why, but it does. Here is a graphic for your viewing pleasure that I think proves my point:
I'm curious about your thoughts/opinions on this topic. Let me know and I'll be back in a few days to share stories about my 9 hour car ride with a carsick dog, visiting my family, etc. Fun times all around people, fun times all around.

P.S. I leave you with this-Girlfriend and I also went to the World of Coke. She decided that most of the vintage adds with couples in them look an awful lot like the Viagra and Cialis adds today. Coincidence? We think not. It also took Girlfriend 2.5 seconds in the gift shop to shout "FOUND IT!" when she came across this hat. Seriously, she has a gift for finding inappropriate things in wholesome environments...and I love it :-)